Saturday, December 28, 2013

Not so subtle satan

I am a bit slower than what I used to be, for the better,I hope, I noticed this past Thanksgiving how Black Friday is the day after the day we show gratitude for all that we have?! I am glad to have learned that after 'Cyber-Monday,' it is National 'Giving-Tuesday. Calm down Curtis and take your chill pill.
I am scared at the way things are going, but was reminded of President Packers remarks about him seeing the future as positive in the last LDS General Conference by one of Lex and my friends from high school Antoinette France. I am comforted that we are blessed by a loving Heavenly Father with Prophets to help us fortify our families and communities against the not so subtle attacks on us.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013


'Tis the season to be thinking about them, using them as motivation for our kids, "You better watch out . . . ." Believe me being home all day with my kiddos, I am able to see the leverage of having an elf on the shelf not just during this time of year, but all year long. Something about "I need a little Christmas right this very moment. . . . "
C.S. Lewis writes as the senior devil in The Screwtape Letters to Wormwood the  devil in training about the 'present,' "We want a whole race perpetually in pursuit of the rainbow's end, never honest, nor kind, nor happy now, but always using as mere fuel wherewith to heap the altar of the future every real gift which is offered to them in the present." I have so much to be happy for right now in my life. I tell my therapists when I am struggling with a task as easy as bending over to pick something off the floor, that I can do this TBI because I get to see my kids run and play unhindered as kids should be. I have a life full of loving people who make me CHAMPION in there eyes for being a miracle that I have no credit in taking credit for. It is only through my Savor Jesus Christ and his cleansing and enabling atonement that I am able to find the courage to continue to make my best effort to fight the good fight
.With that in mind I have given my over-worked wheelchair the next two weeks off,since Lex is home for Christmas break, I have no excuse of being worried that I will fall and get stuck on the floor. I have used that as a crutch to keep in my wheelchair at home, so that my kids won't have that added trauma in their life. I have found that after going to church and having so many friends come and tell me that I looked great and that they were amazed, I probably should have done this a while ago.
The other day. Lex and I got some Christmas shopping done and were both apologetic at the unglamourisness of the gifts that we have for each other. It made me realize how I had missed the 'present' part of Christmas. Yes, we want to get our loved ones gifts that say, "I love you and am grateful for you in my life," but how do I put a price tag on a picture from my kids, or my neighbors knocking on my door when it is 10 degrees outside to sing me a Christmas Carol?

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Return with honor: Mission Memoirs#6

Over a year on my mission and I was still a Jr. comp. I was frustrated and yet scared to become a senior companion. I am a complex person of often opposing emotions, not alone but lonely at times. So it was with excitement and a healthy dose of humility, being humble and not humiliated was written to be in a letter by my Pa at some point in my mission, that I was called to be senior companion to Elder Goodman from California in a mining town that was settled originally by Europeans and was in the shape of a Roman Helmet. The center being the main plaza and church with the major business and government agencies surrounding that,then layers of residential cookie-cut houses. It was a cultural experience, a two hour bus ride from the zone's central city of Chenarral.
Elder Goodman confided in me,telling me that he was mad at first to be called as my Jr. companion and was planning on giving me a hard time about it until he met me and found out that I was a "nice guy, just doing my best." It was rewarding to have won him over and to have had my prayers answered about my petty concerns of being an agreeable companion, as a Jr. myself all my Seniors were not only agreeable hard-workers, they were all in leadership positions too.
After two weeks of knocking on doors and trying my best to be the senior comp who wasn't all about the numbers. I got a call from my mission President Call asking me how the work was going. He laughed and reminded me that in the nearest town the Elders were the branch presidents of their area, that the work I was to do in El Salvador was a bit different than what I had been doing. It was yet another answer to my prayers of wanting desperately to know what in the world I was doing. A feeling of being lost gave way to losing myself in working with the branch members.I was surprised and excited to stay in El Salvador to be Senior companion to Elder Ardilles, my first native companion.He was very pacient with me, the skinny gringo.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Chill pill

There is a new reality that I deal with post TBI, One of these changes in the new reality for me is that I have a shorter fuse and am more prone to fly off the handle.I brought this up to my neurodoc, Dr. Speed. He has me medicated for anxiety and depression, so I was medicated for his safety and mine when he told me that this was common in TBI patients and a medication that they use for seizures and epilepsy has helped, I am a few weeks in on taking my 'chill pill' and have not strangled any of my kids, no promises for the future, but so far so good.This is how I now deal with not having all the answers right now, something about praying for patience but expecting it right now.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Isn't this suppose to be getting easier?

"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing itself is changed, but that our power to do is increased" -Ralph Waldo Emerson I found this in a General Conference talk titled The Power of Self-Mastery by President Faust in April 2000. I believe that this is true and see it in my life everywhere especially in my physical progress.
As I have always done with life's questions, I tend to over think things, Dr. Jeff Robinson once told me that, "you are very introspective, but that did not mean that you are any good at it!" So, I like to look at both sides of things for better or worse. The other side to self -mastery and therapy in life is that life's therapy gets more and more challenging the more we are able to do, take my Abby girl learning in second grade now to read chapter books, instead of picture books and in math adding and subtracting up to the thousands place.
On a moral/spiritual plain, in a talk by Brad Wilcox he describes the world on a downward escalator morally, so to even keep in a stagnant or stable position, one has to be actively working. In a sense our life is always an uphill climb, 'both ways as it is snowing on the way to school.' such is the price of growth.
I recently text this quote to everyone in my contacts on my phone, so if you got it thinking you were special, you are! This comes from 'The Gospel of Second Chances,' "If you have problems in your life,don't assume there is something wrong with you. Struggling with those problems is at the very core of life's purpose.As we draw closer to God, He will show us our weaknesses and through them make us wiser, stronger. If you are seeing more of your weaknesses that just might mean you are drawing closer to God and not further away"-Bruce C. Haven
In one of my many discouraged moments, I reached out to my Bishop, Jeremy Sorensen and asked him this same question of expecting my trials more manageable. He text me back that, "You are not a fool. You are a child of God and entitled to His blessings. To become as He is requires great struggle. It won't get easier, but your trust in the enabling power of the atonement will strengthen you.I have loads to learn about this enabling power."I read today in Some Miracles Take Time by Art E. Berg, "My dreams are being fulfilled, not in spite of my struggles, but because of them." I have always wanted to help others and now I have an opportunity to show my Heavenly Father's power in my own life. A dear friend Elise Christensen wrote me a letter with the saying,"I am not the man I want to be, but I am not the man I was yesterday." That is the miracle that I have in my own glacerly slow progress. 

Friday, December 6, 2013

Musical moments of learning

A month of musicals:
Lex did her school's production of 'Bye, bye Birdie' and I loved seeing most of her students find themselves on stage and loving the thrill of preforming as she does. "Gifts are given to be given away"-The Odd Life of Timothy Green. Thank you Babe for shinning in your own performances and transfering that to your students as their director.  Brilantcy strikes again!
Lex and I went and saw HTC's production of 'Brigadoon.' Here are some of my moments that caused me to reflect on my own life:When the male lead discovers that he only appreciates something when it is gone, the fact that not everything in his life makes sense, and that love is the most important take home lesson.
Our Abby girl was in her school's production of 'HONK,' thanks to the family members who came and helped this not so shy girl's stage fright and longing to follow in her mom's footsteps to "break a leg" on stage. I loved Ugly's Different, the bullfrog's Warts and All, and Drake's Joys of Motherhood reprise, some how I could relate to all three of these.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013


No, I really don't think so . . . ."()Another shout out to any country music lovers out there to help me source this.
Lex sang this at my grandparent's wedding anniversary and I heard it again at my sister-in-law's wedding. It made me think about a conversation I had with my PT Amy at Neuroworx about what 'normal' really is?Amy is a fellow undergrad in Psych, so she humors me at how smart I think I am in my text book spouting terminology, again, I have them all well trained to feed into my narcissism, but that is an ordinary/normal thing for me to humbly do.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Next step

Me putting into practice, "You Can Do it Now" In therapy working with the PT students, Brandy and Matt, I am being dicected, it is more my kenomatics, which is the rythem of walking, and my TBI than my physical anatomy.
On the Spiritual front, I am experiencing the same type of refinement, I found this quote from Bruce C. Haven, "If you have problems in your life, don't assume there is something wrong with you. Struggling with those problems is at the very core of life's purpose. As we draw closer to God, He will show us our weaknesses and through them make us wiser, stronger. If you are seeing more of your weaknes, that just might mean you are moving closer to God and not further away." I hope that this is the case as I  continue to struggle.
I am Thankful for being at this next step and for all those loved ones who have helped me get here. From The Gospel of Second Chances there is this thought, "The first step in the direction of perfection is exercising the faith to recognize that we are not there yet." check, I have many more steps to go and it feels CHAMPION to be on the right path, heading in the right direction.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

"You Can Do it Now"

In my ward they are having the sacrament speakers talk on their favorite talk in October's General Conference. This was one of mine.President Uchdoft's Priesthood address this last General Conference: "Falling is seen as something we all do in life. When I was young, falling and getting up seemed to be one and the same motion. Over the years, however, I have come to the unsettling conclusion that the laws of physics have changed—and not to my advantage.

Not long ago I was skiing with my 12-year-old grandson. We were enjoying our time together when I hit an icy spot and ended up making a glorious crash landing on a steep slope.

I tried every trick to stand up, but I couldn’t—I had fallen, and I couldn’t get up.

I felt fine physically, but my ego was a bit bruised. So I made sure that my helmet and goggles were in place, since I much preferred that other skiers not recognize me. I could imagine myself sitting there helplessly as they skied by elegantly, shouting a cheery, “Hello, Brother Uchtdorf!”

I began to wonder what it would take to rescue me. That was when my grandson came to my side. I told him what had happened, but he didn’t seem very interested in my explanations of why I couldn’t get up. He looked me in the eyes, reached out, took my hand, and in a firm tone said, “Opa, you can do it now!”

Instantly, I stood.

I am still shaking my head over this. What had seemed impossible only a moment before immediately became a reality because a 12-year-old boy reached out to me and said, “You can do it now!” To me, it was an infusion of confidence, enthusiasm, and strength.

Brethren, there may be times in our lives when rising up and continuing on may seem beyond our own ability. That day on a snow-covered slope, I learned something. Even when we think we cannot rise up, there is still hope. And sometimes we just need someone to look us in the eyes, take our hand, and say, “You can do it now!”

The Delusion of Toughness
We may think that women are more likely than men to have feelings of inadequacy and disappointment—that these feelings affect them more than us. I’m not sure that this is true. Men experience feelings of guilt, depression, and failure. We might pretend these feelings don’t bother us, but they do. We can feel so burdened by our failures and shortcomings that we begin to think we will never be able to succeed. We might even assume that because we have fallen before, falling is our destiny. As one writer put it, “We beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”1

I have watched men filled with potential and grace disengage from the challenging work of building the kingdom of God because they had failed a time or two. These were men of promise who could have been exceptional priesthood holders and servants of God. But because they stumbled and became discouraged, they withdrew from their priesthood commitments and pursued other but less worthy endeavors.

And thus, they go on, living only a shadow of the life they could have led, never rising to the potential that is their birthright. As the poet lamented, these are among those unfortunate souls who “die with [most of] their music [still] in them.”2

No one likes to fail. And we particularly don’t like it when others—especially those we love—see us fail. We all want to be respected and esteemed. We want to be champions. But we mortals do not become champions without effort and discipline or without making mistakes.

Brethren, our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble but by the number of times we rise up, dust ourselves off, and move forward.

Godly Sorrow
We know this mortal life is a test. But because our Heavenly Father loves us with a perfect love, He shows us where to find the answers. He has given us the map that allows us to navigate the uncertain terrain and unexpected trials that each of us encounters. The words of the prophets are part of this map.

When we stray—when we fall or depart from the way of our Heavenly Father—the words of the prophets tell us how to rise up and get back on track.

Of all the principles taught by prophets over the centuries, one that has been emphasized over and over again is the hopeful and heartwarming message that mankind can repent, change course, and get back on the true path of discipleship.

That does not mean that we should be comfortable with our weaknesses, mistakes, or sins. But there is an important difference between the sorrow for sin that leads to repentance and the sorrow that leads to despair.

The Apostle Paul taught that “godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation … but the sorrow of the world worketh death.”3 Godly sorrow inspires change and hope through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Worldly sorrow pulls us down, extinguishes hope, and persuades us to give in to further temptation.

Godly sorrow leads to conversion4 and a change of heart.5 It causes us to hate sin and love goodness.6 It encourages us to stand up and walk in the light of Christ’s love. True repentance is about transformation, not torture or torment. Yes, heartfelt regret and true remorse for disobedience are often painful and very important steps in the sacred process of repentance. But when guilt leads to self-loathing or prevents us from rising up again, it is impeding rather than promoting our repentance.

Brethren, there is a better way. Let us rise up and become men of God. We have a champion, a Savior, who walked through the valley of the shadow of death on our behalf. He gave Himself as a ransom for our sins. No one has ever had greater love than this—Jesus Christ, the Lamb without blemish, willingly laid Himself on the altar of sacrifice and paid the price for our sins to “the uttermost farthing.”7 He took upon Himself our suffering. He took our burdens, our guilt upon His shoulders. My dear friends, when we decide to come to Him, when we take upon ourselves His name and boldly walk in the path of discipleship, then through the Atonement we are promised not only happiness and “peace in this world” but also “eternal life in the world to come.”8

When we make mistakes, when we sin and fall, let us think of what it means to truly repent. It means turning our heart and will to God and giving up sin. True heartfelt repentance brings with it the heavenly assurance that “we can do it now.”

Who Are You?
One of the adversary’s methods to prevent us from progressing is to confuse us about who we really are and what we really desire.

We want to spend time with our children, but we also want to engage in our favorite manly hobbies. We want to lose weight, but we also want to enjoy the foods we crave. We want to become Christlike, but we also want to give the guy who cuts us off in traffic a piece of our mind.

Satan’s purpose is to tempt us to exchange the priceless pearls of true happiness and eternal values for a fake plastic trinket that is merely an illusion and counterfeit of happiness and joy.

Another method the adversary uses to discourage us from rising up is to make us see the commandments as things that have been forced upon us. I suppose it is human nature to resist anything that does not appear to be our own idea in the first place.

If we see healthy eating and exercise as something only our doctor expects of us, we will likely fail. If we see these choices as who we are and who we want to become, we have a greater chance of staying the course and succeeding.

If we see home teaching as only the stake president’s goal, we may place a lower value on doing it. If we see it as our goal—something we desire to do in order to become more Christlike and minister to others—we will not only fulfill our commitment but also accomplish it in a way that blesses the families we visit and our own as well.

Often enough, we are the ones who are being helped up by friends or family. But if we look around with observant eyes and the motive of a caring heart, we will recognize the opportunities the Lord places in front of us to help others rise up and move toward their true potential. The scriptures suggest, “Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.”9

It is a great source of spiritual power to live lives of integrity and righteousness and to keep our eyes on where we want to be in the eternities. Even if we can see this divine destination only with the eye of faith, it will help us to stay the course.

When our attention is mainly focused on our daily successes or failures, we may lose our way, wander, and fall. Keeping our sights on higher goals will help us become better sons and brothers, kinder fathers, and more loving husbands.

Even those who set their hearts upon divine goals may still occasionally stumble, but they will not be defeated. They trust and rely upon the promises of God. They will rise up again with a bright hope in a righteous God and the inspiring vision of a great future. They know they can do it now.

Every person, young and old, has had his own personal experience with falling. Falling is what we mortals do. But as long as we are willing to rise up again and continue on the path toward the spiritual goals God has given us, we can learn something from failure and become better and happier as a result.

My dear brethren, my dear friends, there will be times when you think you cannot continue on. Trust the Savior and His love. With faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and the power and hope of the restored gospel, you will be able to walk tall and continue on.

Brethren, we love you. We pray for you. I wish you could hear President Monson pray for you. Whether you are a young father, an elderly priesthood bearer, or a newly ordained deacon, we are mindful of you. The Lord is mindful of you!

We acknowledge that your path will at times be difficult. But I give you this promise in the name of the Lord: rise up and follow in the footsteps of our Redeemer and Savior, and one day you will look back and be filled with eternal gratitude that you chose to trust the Atonement and its power to lift you up and give you strength.

My dear friends and brethren, no matter how many times you have slipped or fallen, rise up! Your destiny is a glorious one! Stand tall and walk in the light of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ! You are stronger than you realize. You are more capable than you can imagine. You can do it now! Of this I testify in the sacred name of our Master and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, amen." my comentary to come, but for now, amen.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

i . . . .

  1.  have noticed that my life has been to focused on me, a recovering narcassist.
  2. am a fool (NOT- hopefully:)
  3.  am a child of God
  4. like lists
  5. am a tease
  6. am an insightful sinner
  7. am a son, brother, friend, husband, uncle and father
  8. finally got my act together and voted, so now i can have an opinion
  9.  am a work in progress, and am grateful for all of those people believe in me and check on me, my Pa text me a quote of the day by Brad Wilcox, "Heaven is not a prize for the perfect, but the future home of all who are willing to be perfected."
  10. want to be 'willing.' Something about the Spirit V.S. the flesh.
  11. am a  "CHAMPION" as defined by President Uchtdorf in the past October 2013 LDS General Conference.

Saturday, November 23, 2013


Of wanting everyday to be CHAMPION, everyday is not, nor should I expect life to provide that, something about variety being the spice of life. I have been fretting over this post because I want to be positive.In that light, my Pa gave me a quote from Gordon B. Hinckley found in the November 1989 Ensign issue, "Please don't nag yourself with thoughts of failure. Do not set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve. Simply do what you can do, in the best way you know, and the Lord will accept of your effort."
The comments in my wards Sunday school class lead to a neighbor stating that it would be nice if we were 'real' here at church, she laughed as she confessed that some days she stays in her pjs all day. A friend of mine and Lexy's from high school as come over to be with me because with her first she was on bedrest for a few months. when asked how she likes her ward, she replied that it was nice because people are 'real'  there.In the J Golden Kimball book I am reading he is quoted as saying, "be yourself, but be your best self" In replying that I am CHAMPION, I do not want to come across as a fake, or someone masquerading perfection. I am trying to become what I sometimes pretend to be. Screwtape warns his nephew about us humans, "They often become what they pretend to be."

Friday, November 22, 2013

Math problem, the cost of Joy

In The God Who Weeps, I read, "If vulnerability and pain are the price of love, then joy is it's reward."
Here is how I compute this:

Courage + the pain of vulnerability"= LOVE. . . .= JOY
I have started to read another book that will show up on my referenced list, Some Miracles Take Time by Art Berg. Art writes about his rehabilitation after a car accident. I have thought while reading this that I do not have to write a book because Art has written his. I am grateful for others who have been through similar experiences and their courage to be vulnerable and share about their experiences. I have much to continue to learn and am excited to do it.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Retun with Honor; Mission Memoires #5

I was transferred from the resort town on the northern boarder of my mission to the southern end in a city called La Serena to be with Elder Tello, from Logan,Utah, and reopen up an area, Elder Tello kept reminding me that this was a goldmine of an area because no missionaries had been there for a few years. He was right, I loved serving in this area and found great success. We were able to teach and baptize our "mamita's" boyfriend Carlos, who knew of the church, but never had shown any interest. I remember teaching Wifredo, a known gangster, and his whole family.When my mother came and picked me up from Chile at the end of my mission, I was sure that we visited this town with amazing converts. I was in la Serena when my mission president was released at the end of his three year calling and President Call was called to serve over us.It was also when the 9/11 terrorist attacks happened. I remember walking the streets of this town and members calling us over in the street to tell us what had happened through their tears.
Elder Tello taught me how to look for the positive and work hard with what you have been given. Again, doing so brought much joy and continues to o so.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Masterpiece in the making

Was the title of Music and the Spoken Word a few weeks ago. I love this thought that my life is my masterpiece. I am able to make whatever I choose out of it. Thankfully to a Savior, I am reminded  from modern day apostles and Prophets, that my life is His masterpiece if I allow Him to be my Savior.In Some Miracles Take Time, Art Berg talks about not knowing all the answers to the question, Why? He writes, "I have come to realize that somewhere there are more good answers than there are questions.' He continues, "We must all come to realize that beyond our personal understanding there is still darkness and unanswered questions He then finish the chapter with, "Someday, we'll know more."and the following poem:
"Not 'til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unfold the pattern,
And explain the reason why. 
The dark threads were as needful
In the skillful weaver's hand,
As the threads of Gold and Silver
In the pattern that He planned."
(author unknown)
 I believe that my masterpiece is in the works and am grateful for this belief to help carry me through this process. My Pa text me this from Brad Wilcox, "Heaven is not a prize for the perfect, but the future home of all who are willing to be perfected."

Friday, November 15, 2013


There is a 'happy medium,''Moderation in all things,'fine line between boredom, chaos, and feeling overwhelmed.The idea is to feel productive and have a sense of fulfillment in life. I took a stress management class at the University of Utah for my BS (hehe)degree in Psychology and learned that we spend only 20% of our time doing what gives us the most, the trick is in life, to figure out what is important and spend our allotted time doing it.What is important to me maybe different than what you feel is for you.That's not the life lesson that I am highlighting here, Just the importance of time management.
As I relearn how to walk and use the left side of my body, I find that my sense of balance is off-something to do with left side neglect and naming my left arm and leg, they even have nicknames now at Neuroworx for them; george is georgy-porgy, and bob is robert, thanks to a fellow psych undergrad PT student, Amy. I love that I am a part of this Neuroworx family. They are amazing at serving me to help restore balance in my life, not just physical, but so many parallels that run into my spiritual well-being as well as social and emotional. I think about the line from one of the Tom Hanks classics, A Leauge of Their Own, "There's no crying in baseball,"and change it to no crying at therapy.
My new experience at therapy at Neuroworx has been with a new student, Lex says that I am given the students because I am so nice and talkative, I like to think that it is because I am CHAMPION & a challenge all rolled into one, but that is just my narcissism, anyway the new student that I am working with is Matt, not to be confused with Big Man Matt, who is also a therapist there at Neuroworx, or with my twin brother Matthew, but he is equally as inspiring as they are.Student Matt was in a wheelchair for a year of his life, when at age 21 he experienced some congenital problem that caused a spinal cord injury. He was a successful businessman in Florida and decided to become a physical therapist. He now has taken me on as his project and said to me yesterday,"we have some bad habits of yours to break, I am sure that they served you well, when you first started to relearn to walk, but we are beyond that now." I am frustrated and excited to continue to work with him. When I told this story to my twin brother and Lex, they both agreed that they like him already and that he is absolutely right.

Monday, November 11, 2013


Is the name of the game for me in my life therapy. My Pa text me, "It's the purpose of life Curtis to learn self-control over ourselves. How can we be like the Savior when we are tossed to and fro by every wind of any kind?"
President James E, Faust said in the priesthood session in the April 200 general conference,"Every human soul, especially priesthood holders, has the challenge of controlling his or her thoughts, appetites, speech, temper, and desires." I did not get that TBI people are exempt. I am included in the ,"all souls," even when I find myself short fused with my kids. He goes on to say,"Self-mastery is a challenge for every individual. Only we can control our appetites and passions. Self-mastery cannot be bought by money or fame. It is the ultimate test of our character. It requires climbing out of the deep valleys of our lives and scaling our own Mount Everests." I mentioned in my ward when Sister Roach asked me to talk about adversity that people see me in a wheelchair and think that this physical adversity is my mount Everest, it is a hard trial, but it holds nothing to my actual spiritual Everest to climb. It does give me precious and valuable insights to continue to climb.
He continues,"In its simplest terms, self-mastery is doing those things we should do and not doing those things we should not do. It requires strength, willpower, and honesty. As the traffic on the communications highway becomes a parking lot, we must depend more and more on our own personal moral filters to separate the good from the bad." I think about doing the KUED RTL Workshops that I did for several years and our first workshop was always 'Media Literacy," how to make smart media choices for your kids. I know that media is a powerful tool that is used for good and bad. It is up to each one of us to decide how it is used, and,President Faust takes that one step further, "I now turn to mastery of our own private thoughts. In this realm, conscience is the only referee that can blow the whistle when we get out of control. If not bridled, our thoughts can run wild. Our minds are a part of us that really require discipline and control. I believe reading the scriptures is the best washing machine for unclean or uncontrolled thoughts. For those who are eligible and worthy, the sanctity of the holy temple can lift our thoughts above the earthy." I love the power of the scripures in my life to combat the mental cleaning that I am in constant need of. I am excited to go back to the temple and continue to receive the fortification from the covenants made there.
Near the end he states,"I now speak of the absolute necessity of controlling all physical appetites. These might in one sense be called the “thorn in the flesh.” Harry Emerson Fosdick provides an important context for self-control: “Self-denial … is not the negative, forbidding thing that often we shake our heads about. In one sense there is no such thing as self-denial, for what we call such is the necessary price we pay for things on which our hearts are set.” On my mission, my first Mission President, President Wagnar taught me of the need for self denial.I love the positive light that President Faust emphasized here. Before reading 'Invictus,' a favorite poem of mine that I cannot help feel proud to have memorized and playing in the background of my mind constantly.
To end his talk he leaves me excuseless and says,"As priesthood holders, we should not look for excuses when we lose our self-control. Even though our circumstances may be challenging, we can all strive for self-mastery. Great blessings of personal satisfaction come from doing so. Self-mastery is related to spirituality, which is the central quest of mortality. As President David O. McKay once said: “Spirituality is the consciousness of victory over self, and of communion with the Infinite. Spirituality impels one to conquer difficulties and acquire more and more strength. To feel one’s faculties unfolding and truth expanding the soul is one of life’s sublimest experiences(April,2000)."
I draw so many parallels from my physical and mental self-mastery quest to reconnect with the left side of my body, yes it is as weird for me to type this as it is for you to read it, welcome to my life right now, and relearn to walk to enable me to climb my spiritual Everest. For this I can say I am grateful for this therapy of self-mastery tailored to my personal needs.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Bliss & Life

My sister-in-law has this quote on her fridge from President Gordon B. Hinkley,"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around yelling that he's been robbed, the fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, Most jobs are more often than dull than otherwise. Life is like an old-time rail journey. . . . delays, sidetracks, smoke dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." Thank you Aunty Em for having this reminder in your home and then texting it to me to share here.
I think of my grandma Morgan. who turned 80 last month and am grateful for the beautiful vistas I have shared with her and my family. I have decided that any thrilling bursts of speed that require a helmet are now going to be experienced by me only by proxy through my kids.

Monday, October 28, 2013

How Could I go Wrong?

I come from good stalk. I have big shoes to fill.It is no secret that I married up.I met Lex in the 8th grade and she is my better half, an expression that has roots in a court of law, according to The Little Book of Answers.
I do not want to hang out my dirty laundry here, but I did go wrong. I look at Lex and tell her that I do not understand what I was doing with my life before the accident and I guess that it is a good thing that it does not make any sense- so that I do not have to make the same mistakes again. Here's to living and learning.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Life continues, despite my lack of blogging

Honestly, I did not expect to make it this far.I am not sure what I expected to happen before now, but I am here and accentuating the positive, annoying, I know

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Some settling my occur

after a General Conference like the one that just ended. I am reeling from the spiritual feast. I am not sure where to even start and am very excited for the November ENSIGN, so that I can study the talks more. I could not help but feel CHAMPION when President Uchtdorf shared his thoughts on being CHAMPION. I mentioned this to the therapist that I worked with today, Amy smiled broadly and told me that I could start telling people that he(President Uchdorf) was quoting me! I told her that I couldn't go that far. I am concerned with my own salvation and cannot take upon me everyone else's.
My twin brother Matthew brought me over a copy of his talk and Elder Holland's. I am grateful to have modern day Prophets and Apostle who are in tune with the needs of modern time.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Proud to be part of this family

I do not know where I would be without them. Thank you Neuroworx for giving me all the things this video talks about

Friday, October 4, 2013

Return with Honor: Mission Memoires#4

I was transferred from el Coviefe in Antofagasta to Arica, a resort city and the northern point of my mission bordering Peru. I was Elder Pew's companion. He was the zone leader and wanted me to work to keep up with him. He has tremendous faith that was contagious. missionary work was joyous to do with him because of it.He taught me that to truly love someone you serve them. Thank you for loving and serving me Elder Pew.Right when I thought that my mission couldn't get any better, it did and I became Elder Moses' companion.As well as the importance of making goals and putting in the work to reach them He looked like my twin, people called us 11 because we were both tall and skinny. He taught me that the Lord's work was something enjoyable, when you smiled while doing it. If I had a triplet, it would be you Collin Moses

Thursday, October 3, 2013

DNR VS DAR(Do Always Resuscitate)

I have learned and grown so much in the past three years, I still have a long way to go. Here's to continuing with 'Joy in the Journey.'
Life has so much to teach me, that sounds slightly more positive than I have a lot to learn. Just like relearning to walk: I do fine as long as I take it one step at a time. Nothing profoundly earth shattering here.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

"Dream big. . .

as big as the ocean"-from a unknown song, anyone out there want to help me with my source on this one? I have always wanted to save the world.I never imagined that it would be like this and who's to say that my ramblings will have any effect on it? .Keep hope alive and keep going. Dreams are worth it.My Pa wrote to me while on my mission in Chile to give people the best possible brush with the Gospel light. That is my hope and dream with my ramblings.
 I remember a friend in high school asking me what made me happy? My response to Missy Ward is still: When others are happy.I know that happiness is found by living up to our standards and serving others.I am happy, a work in process and excited to be on this journey.
I was chatting with Sarah, a PT student at Neuroworx and she told me that I could be a motivational speaker. I have been told this before at Neuroworx by Terri, maybe that is why I keep going back to put up with their torture/therapy -they play into my CHAMPION narcissism. I laughed at Sarah and told her that I went home and told my wife that when Terri told me that and that my wife replied, "yes, you could be a motivational speaker 8 days out of ten." Sarah laughed at that, telling me that,"that should still work, you don't have to have speeches everyday of the week." who knows, my dream is to do something that will always keep me learning and growing, for now that is being Mr. Mom at home.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

It's relative

I went through a phase when this was how I would answer the question, "How are you doing Curtis?"
I also answered,when I wasn't feeling 100%, that, I have been better, but I have been far worse.
In 'How to Stop Worrying and Start Living,' the author quotes John Milton saying, "It is not miserable to be blind, it is miserable not to be able to endure being blind."

Monday, September 30, 2013

"Serenity Now!"

-Mr Kastanza on Seinfeld. As I age I find that I am more irritable and that annoys me. I want to be improving in life and not digressing.I mumbled this one Friday at Neuroworx while getting harnessed for the Locomat. I forgot that Mike and Justin, my two quote quizzing therapists were not there, so I just got a bunch of questioning looks, instead of smiles and nods with, 'good one' remarks.
In my Elders Quorum, the lesson was on pornography. I missed it, but had my friend and teacher of the lesson Ryan Castro give me his notes.As I read through them the phrase that kept jumping out at me was, "We have to get tec-savy, as toe-curling as it seems, we are the first generation that will have to talk to it's children about pornography." Yikes,Serenity Now!Indeed.It is everywhere and it is up to us as parents to protect our kids. here's the link to his notes:

Saturday, September 28, 2013


If there is one thing that I wish for my kids, it is that they will be safe, not only physically, but spiritually, mentally and emotionally as well,or holistically in other words.I know that life is not fair, something I am constantly reminding my Colester, when he slumps his head with his shoulders and mumbles, "datnoair!!"
My twin brother Matthew made the observation that Our Heavenly Father must be hoping for us to "be careful" as we in our very limited capacities as earthly fathers tell our kids over and over to do the same.

Friday, September 27, 2013

My Music Mind Motivational Playlist

When I had Ot(Occupational therapy) coming to my home for a few months after the accident, my therapist Marc asked me to come up with a music playlist that would help motivate me while I was relearning things. I am committed to not die with the music still in me. Here's some of where I find my motivation:
1.You got to admit it's getting better, better all the time(?)
2. Got my wings clipped, yes I'm grounded, I'm surrounded by all this pavement. . . (John Mayor)
3. I am the man that you tease in the tavern, I am the one you left on the run. . . .(Peter Brienholt)
I wish that I could walk on a cloud . . .(BNL)
4. I'm not crazy, I'm just alittle unwell, I know right now you can't tell. . . . (?)

Thursday, September 26, 2013

resistance training

is part of life and having an "opposition in all things." I saw a glimpse of a news story on a man who was diagnosed with MS and is a triathlete,he got to go to Hawaii and compete in the Ironman competition. on the blip that I saw he was asked what he tells people who say that running a marathon is impossible, "That it is all mental, you can do anything you believe that you can."
My Bishop reminded me that, "We are human becomings not human beings,"I laughed and told him that that had blog post written all over it. He smiled and laughed and said that he was sure that he had read it somewhere. For now, you are my source my friend, Bishop Hanson.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Learning Curve

I experience these all the time and wanted to share my latest with therapy: When I first started to see my therapist Dr. Jeff Robinson, I hated it and told him that it was because I had to admit to him that I had a problem that I needed help solving and could not do it by myself.Finally, years later, mind you, yes- I am that stubborn, I realized that I missed seeing him and getting the maintenance that I need to keep going. Something about having to relearn to walk and having a second chance at life has helped immensely to facilitate this learning curve in my own thinking. I do not dare to suggest that this extreme and life changing type of event has to happen to everyone to be able to experience learning curves. I hope that you are more teachable than I am.
Regardless,your life therapy is tailored for you as mine is for me by a loving Heavenly Father who knows the curves we need in our life to get back to be with Him again.
Two other aha moments with Dr. Robinson:
1.Life can take a turn for the worst, if you do not guard yourself from, "seemingly irrelevant decisions. 2."We all have enough pain in our lives to maintain some sort of addiction of one kind or another. In my moments of relapsing into self-pity I have to remind myself that, "Just because you are hurt, doesn't mean that you are broken."(Disney's A Dolphin's Tale)"and that I don't have a monopoly on pain.
At my sister-in-laws wedding I saw a wall decoration with the saying on it of,"Life is short, forgive quickly,kiss slowly,love truly,smile often. I will have to work on all of these suggestions,but believe that they are all important in life. I hope to learn and incorporate theses into my life.
One closing thought on learning from 'The Gospel of Second Chances,' "We think we know a great deal, because we are ignorant of what remains to be learnt" -John Newton
So, here's to continual learning, I love school and if I could afford it would always be enrolled and taking a class or two. Something about being a geek and reading over 5 books at one time. "Life is shot. . . Live it and read/learn

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Compensating Curtis

I like CHAMPION Curtis better, but you take the bad with the good. Jan Blck, the lead PT at Neuroworx introduces me to the student interns with this title and warning to watch me closely. It's all good I get her back by asking those who get the priviledge to work with me to use 'please' and 'thank you.' that is more of a touche than my touche post.oh, well, I live and learn -hopefully

Monday, September 23, 2013


We watched Disney's A Dolphin's Tale for the past week, Abby's favorite animal is a dolphin. She has the habit of assigning out parts to everyone, no matter what show we are watching, so it was no surprise that she chose to be 'Hazel,' Max was quick to speak up and say that he was 'Sawyer,' I was expecting to be assigned the part of 'Winter'
the dolphin or Sawyer's cousin who does not have the full use of one of his legs, To my chagrin my Colemister looked at me and shouted, "Daddy, you Roofus!" (Roofus is the silly pelican that steals the fish that is suppose to be for Winter and waddles as pelicans to to walk)at first, I was sad and then he laughed and shook his head and said in a big smile, "NO! I Roofus!"

Amyers told me that her Jaylee cannot wait to come and go swimming in "Grandpa Mike's pool"
My niece runs and jumps into the pool, yelling, "Candyball!" Instead of Cannonball.
Coleman swam by himself with floaties on

My lawn still looking the best it ever has because I am not taking care of it.

Jan Black yelling at me at Neuroworx that, "You're not a flamingo Curtis!"

Shanena coming back from El Salvador, and me asking her how Ecuador was. Reminds me of the time that I was doing therapy there at Neuroworx and was on the treadmill walking and was taking a break sitting on a folding chair on the treadmill, when she turned the treadmill on, another therapist caught me and turned it off.

A student PT at Neuroworx, Amy was assigned to do my evaluation, since our insurance changed with Lex's work. She had me in the exam room on the smallest table/mat that they have there. I almost fell of it when she asked me to flip over. We laughed when both Matt and Jan came in to check on how the evaluation was going, saying, 'well, at least I didn't fall off the mat, could you imagine the paperwork that would go with that?!'

I was with Amy again, poor lady this Tuesday and kept her busy asking me 'please,' when she wanted me to do something and 'thank you,' when I did. She played along and even did it in Spanish. I am excited to continue to work with her. She is also a fellow Psychology undergrad holder and humors me by talking about psych terms and jokes with me

I am looking for t-shirts that have 'CHAMPION' written on them in my quest I naturally went to the Champion clothing website and laughed when I found out that their claim to fame is:"inventors of the sport bra."I am now laughing as I type this, thinking about the google search hits this blog is going to get now. So if you are reading this because my blog was brought up in your google search for a "Sport's Bra," the joke is on you!

I want to start a bumper-sticker campaign with my friend Joe Fernandez with "My home teacher is better than yours."

I stopped by my CHAMP of a little sister's 3rd grade classroom to see her in her element as a teacher and read a book to her kids, I mentioned to my Pa how great it was to see her doing what she loved and it seemed so natural to see her teaching them. He smiled and shock his head saying, "I don't know Curtis, It seems to me that she still needs to be in school and not teaching." I laughed with my Pa having a hard time letting go of his last little girl. I am having the same hard tim watching my kids grow up.My other sister, My Amers is in town for Lacers wedding and she could not help noticing how big our
Colester is.

My Pa takes me to Neuroworx on Fridays and plays therapist. He had me going up and down the stairs a stair at a time, stopped me with a genormous smile on his face and a tear in his eye at how excited he was for me to check with my therapists to come and see me to make sure that he was not messing them or me up.Love you my Pa. thank you for being my cheer section/therapist/coach, but most of all thank you for being my Pa.

Jan Black could not wait to share with me this joke;"What is the difference between a terrorist and a therapist?You can negotiate with a terrorist."

While we were on our way to Bear Lake, Coleman looked out the window and saw some cows in the distance and announced, "I see kitties!"

I dropped my pole at the place we were staying at in Bear Lake. My sister-in-law's best friend Jen Fauset saw my plight and helped me out by picking it up for me. I laugh and told her that I dropped it while I was turning off the lights and the TV. I try to save the world, but cannot pick up my hiking pole when I drop it. I choose to focus on what I can do.She laughed with me and commented on my great attitude. I told her that I did not have much choice, it was either that or go crazy.

Maxwell and Abby went with Lex and I to Tarzan at The Hale Center Theater. It was fun to see their excitement. Max ended up sitting with Lex, he was afraid of the leopard, and Abby sat with me, she was embarrassed when Jain's dress got caught on something and got sad when Tarzan said goodbye.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Plagues of our time

I signed up to help with nursery in our ward this past month because one of my good friends Ryan Castro promised to be there. I could not resist the opportunity to get out of my house and spend some time with him, even if it was while wrangling a rambunctious group of kiddos. I was happy to have the companionship of other great brethren in my ward: Joe Fernandez, John Thurston, and Mason Bates. You guys are awesome.
Anywho, Ryan and I were chatting about his desire to serve on Jury-duty, which lead to talking about our times and how scary things are. I mentioned how we may be expecting plagues like the Biblical ones, such as locus, but our plagues are here, like the plague of complacency. He added the plague of pornography. I said of self love and materialism.I must be the one to escape these by not letting myself go the way of the world, but being peculiar with my values and beliefs in a right and wrong.
There is the plague of freedom with no strings attached, in 'A Touch of Wonder' the chapter "Freedom, the double edged Sword" covers this topic by explaining that other generations had the task of securing freedom, ours is the harder task to live with it. Before reading the explanation in the book I would have disagreed, take a look and see what you think.
My Mission President Call, told us that people fall away from their beliefs because of three things, I believe these sum up the plagues of our day:
3, money

Saturday, September 21, 2013


Is what is desired for us to become from our Father in Heaven, see Mosiah 3:19 in The Book of Mormon. I have a cousin who went to Paraguay on a mission and got sick and had to come home early. The same thing happened to my sister-in-law's new husband.This does not make them failures.
Lex came home the other day running from work, back to work, after making dinner for us and picking up a costume for a performance by Abby. She stood in the kitchen and broke down, sobbing that she feels like she is failing. I wanted to hold her, but felt that I was failing in that regard as in almost all areas of my life right now. All I could do is tell her that I loved her and that she was not failing in my book.I know how that feels and that I was sorry.I love you too, Trever and Blake. We did not come here to fail and none of us are, myself included.

Friday, September 20, 2013

J Golden Kimball's thoughts on marriage

I have a friend in my ward that shares the last pew with me and my family. Elise Christensen started exchanging books with me about a year or so ago and I love it,the latest one was 'The Golden Legacy' about J. Golden Kimball. With all of the weddings in my family this past month,2 to be exact, My mother-in-law suggested that I share this found in 'The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball:
. "When J. Golden had been married only a few years, he filled a speaking engagement one spring to a large group of young men and women of he Mutual Improvement Association. Many of the group were together on dates, he could easily see. "This is June, the mating season," he said, "Now some of you are thinking about getting hitched, and you think you have found an angel. Well, I want to warn you not to expect too damn much of each other and then maybe you won't be disappointed. When I got married, I thought that I married an angel. And many a times since, I wish to Hell I had."
We laugh and said that we should have had this copied and printed out for everyone at the weddings, at the very least for the newly weds.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Return with honor :Mission memoirs #3

In the Coviefe with Elder Steel I remember one morning I counted over 50 flea bites all over my body and going on splits with our zone leader who taught me that it was part of my personalized plan of salvation to serve in this area. It made me look at my life's mission differently, I signed up for this and even rejoiced to come, challenges and all.It was a continual reminder to work as hard as I could. I will never forget meeting Miguel Elizalde, he had the biggest smile on his face and spoke to us in English, saying, "I know who you are, come on in Elders!" He had seen the missionaries while he had visited family in Florida. It was a privilege to teach him. He ended up teaching us about the principle of tithing, telling us that he had a conversation with a taxi driver about how all the 'Mormons want is 10% of your money.' He said that got him thinking about the word, so he looked it up in the index of the Book of Mormon and read all the scriptures listed. He smiled and told us of how he went back to the taxi driver and showed him all the scriptures in the Bible about tithing!His one doubt or challenge with the Gospel was that he loved to go paraglide on his day off, which was Sunday, when we taught him about the importance of the Sabbath Day, he shrugged his shoulders and said,"I will just find another day to go." They don't come more golden than you Miguel. He was just baptised in time to serve a mission himself to Santiago.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

I am a geek, no,not the cool kind

like on The Big Bang Theory.I had to laugh at myself when my mother-in-law came and picked up my Colester so that I could rest up and get feeling well. What did I do? I should have gone right upstairs and napped, but instead I tried to catch up on my reading (I have lost count how many I am currently reading, I think only 5 books?) and now am blogging away.
Lex talks about how the cool kids at her school are geeks, but they are confident and caring about others. She also talks about their trainings and lunch breaks and how the other mentors are really smart in their fields of expertise. Lex you are the cool kid geek.
My twin bro got me a Bazinga t-shirt with the word on front and a yellow cape velcroed to the back. To Maxwell and Coleman, I am a cool superhero when I wear it to family functions. I have yet to brave it and wear it to therapy or in public, but it is a matter of "when," not "if."

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Teeth are Tools

Was my twin bro's response to my What NOT to do With Your Teeth post.I had a few more:
1.Put on a seat belt.
2. Lace your shoes.
3. Put together/take apart legos.

Monday, September 16, 2013

unplug. . . to recharge

In a world smaller and more connected than ever. I see more people confused by the flood of distractions. I myself have found it not only helpful, but health promoting to go on a Amish-like techno fast to be able to connect with peace of mind and have quiet time for the soul so to speak. I was reminded of this need a few months ago when I went to get my haircut at my Grandma's house and was told to put my phone away and that their friend has their grandchildren and kids leave their phones in a basket by the door.
I talked with my new brother-in-law Blake Marshall about this and wasn't surprised to learn from him, he had researched the topic for a public speaking class, that a study done at Stanford found that students who took ten minutes a day to sit without any 'distractions' on, scored higher on standardized testing than those who did not.
So, go ahead and get bored by doing nothing and giving your mind a break from all the noise in the world. It is on me. I will follow my own advice and take down the google ads on here. Deal? From What About Bob? "Go on vacation" from the modern world.
Solitude is waiting, no it is not a text away, leave your phone too.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Temple Twist

not to be confused with a twisted temple. My sister Lacer gets married in the Salt Lake LDS temple today,and I wanted to share what I am still learning.I have always thought that temples were for us to become closer to our Heavenly Father, sanctuaries for us, in The God Who Weeps, the authors explain how a temple is a sanctuary for Him, not us, to protect Him from the sufferings and misery in the world, "It is not their wickedness, but their 'misery'not their disobedience, but their 'suffering'that elicit the God of Heaven's tears"I love the image of a loving God who needs a safe place from His sorrows over us.
My Pa wants to and I believe that he should write a follow up book titled "The God Who Laughs." I do not want to come across of making light of something as sacred as our relationship with our Father in Heaven, yet I do know that is obtainable only when I am completely honest with myself and laugh at how ridiculous I must come across at times to Him.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Role Reversal

Yes, I already covered some of this in my Mr. Mom post, but I wanted to emphasize how blessed of a man I really am. My wife Alexie is amazing. She is the most passionate person I have ever met.I joke with people and tell them that she is my connection to culture, but it is no joke. She loves the theater, music, English and teaching. I love her.
I wait anxiously for her to get home, much like a dog must wait for their owner to come home, and when she comes in, I usually bombard her with a hundred questions about the day.I am that in need of adult conversation and I love my kiddos.
I did this scheduled bombardment of questioning her first week back teaching, she had to remind me lovingly that, (she)just got home and had a headache, and to just let her be home. Boy, do I know how that feels. A saying about walking in another person's shoes before making a judgement call comes to mind. I am a blessed man indeedy.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


I find myself, going through the motions at times in my life and seek for the enthusiasm that my kids ooze with. It takes some clean up, but they are so worth it.
I hear people say that, "I do not know where I would be without the church." Not a bad statement, It made me realize that I do know exactly where I would be and I am glad that I am not there.
I notice now that I have premonitions, nothing profound, like end of the world visions or winning lottery ticket numbers, but common sense things like, that is going to be hard to get past in your wheelchair, if you put that there. premonition may be the wrong word, common sense sounds more realistic, but when you have a TBI and your problem solving skills were jeopardized. I claim every breakthrough as an epiphany.

Monday, September 9, 2013

The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Oil

Because it is working and we all need a little maintenance now and then, so don't beat yourself up for needing a oil change like everyone else.I accept that every two to three days I need to get out and socialize with other adults, go to PT at least twice a week, see my neuro Dr. twice a year and as well as a therapist. As long as I meet my scheduled oil changes I do CHAMPION. I need not worry that others need more or less maintenance.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Life happens

This is my excuse for not posting for a few days.I do not like that this brings to mind/ is associated with the other 'blank happens', that is NOT what I want to convey here.I do like the idea that life is what happens when you are busy planning for it. Those spontaneous smiles and giggles from my Colester when I make eye contact with him and hold it. When Lex calls to tell me that she forgot something and needs me to do her a favor, A cousin texts to tell me that I am Champion, an aunt laughs with me about how adventurous parenting is. I love life and the therapy it offers. I do not like the therapy at times, but I do love it because of the perspective that the Gospel gives me. Men and women are that we might have joy.

Thursday, September 5, 2013


Remember the 'colors personality'test that came out in the 90's? Well Lex has a friend that was her double at one of the shows that she was in at Hale Center Theater that is married to a man who worked for that company, Angie and Dan Call, I was super excited to not only have grown up time, but to be a geek and talk some psychology as well when they invited us over for dinner a few months ago.
I was relieved when he brought it up and asked me if I had taken the test. I had and shared that I was a 'blue/red,'Lex smiled and said that she was the opposite, a 'red/blue.' I guess opposites attract. We all shared about what colors our kids were and how different they each are.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013


I am without excuses more and more in my life as therapy and life are enabling me to do more. Saturday, I went with my twin brother and his family to a stake primary activity and then swimming at Uncle Mike's pool. A few months ago my stamina would have allowed me to do one and not the other.
Yesterday, I put a soiled blanket in the washer and then in the dryer.
I gave my wheelchair the day off a few days ago.
My cane is not in use upstairs at all when I walk to my bedroom at night or when I wake up and get downstairs in the morning.
About a year or go or so, Lex picked up the book 'No Excuses' for me. I devoured it and am grateful for the courage and example of those who face the challenges of life and use them as building blocks to enable their success. My cousin Tiffany Chidester shared with me that her son, my hero Tristan Chidester is cancer free! Talk about a CHAMPION. I shared with my therapist Amy at Neuroworx yesterday that if you look for inspiration in your life, you do not have to look far. She agreed.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013


In 'The Gospel of Second Chances' the author makes the point that I agree with:"Change is the good news of the Gospel. Good people can become better. people change. You can Change." I keep thinking that I am a work in progress. My bishop told me that, "we are not human beings, we are human becomings."I laughed and told him that was worth of a blog post. I hope the physical healing/change that is taking place in my life is symbolic of the same that is happening with me spiritually. I explain words to my kids all day, recently it was the word, 'delay' which made me think of 'Dory' and the 'delay fish' comment on Finding Nemo. Abby, your dad will make it, he is just a 'delay fish'.

Monday, September 2, 2013


In Jr. High my friend Gary Bigelow would do things just to see me get mad and competitive. He always has had a way with people. Anywho, I have a competitive streak in me. When I was growing up, I would imagine myself on a game show when I was doing chores to see how fast I could do them. My bishop continues to remind me that it was a good thing that I trained for half marathons and my Pa agrees that I get to put that training to real work in my everyday life now with my current challenges. Lucky me indeed.
I cannot remember where I heard/read that sarcasm is for weak people, so here I am competitive and sarcastic.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Fear VS Faith

under 'fear' in the Bible dictionary it says; "Fear can have two meanings: (1) to fear God is to feel reverence and awe for him and to obey his commandments; (2) to fear man, mortal dangers, pain, and evil is to be afraid of such things and to dread them." and faith:"Confidence in something or someone. As most often used in the scriptures, faith is confidence and trust in Jesus Christ that lead a person to obey him. Faith must be centered in Jesus Christ in order for it to lead a person to salvation. Latter-day Saints also have faith in God the Father, the Holy Ghost, priesthood power, and other important aspects of the restored gospel."
It helps me to see the two side by side in order to determine where my motivation is coming from. In the first part of 'Fear' definition it seems to be congruent with 'Faith,' whereas the second part is in contrast
"They who have faith in Christ will cleave unto every good thing"(Moro. 7:28) Bring on the good things and go forward with faith.

Saturday, August 31, 2013

What NOT to do with your teeth. . . .

As the son of an orthodontist, I grew up with expectations about using my teeth to chew healthy, non-sugary food. I remember my Pa brushing my teeth if I did not do an acceptable job upon his inspection. My teeth are actually stripped yellow because I ate the fluoride pills like candy. Thanks to my Pa you wouldn't be able to tell that or the fact that I had braces on and off for over six years, since we never had regular appointments.
The following may or may not have been experienced by the author, I take the 5th, it can be neither confirmed or denied(I hope my Pa never comes across this): up pants zipper(yours or anyone elses)-this is a general observation that applies to the rest of the list.
2.bite/trim toenails Top Raumen spice packet
4.tear off a piece of TP
5.get a snarl out of hair
6.text/type or dial
7.hold/pull electrical cord
8. flip pages of a book
9. hold diapers wipes (used or not)
10. flip on/off light switches
Happy, just chewing.

Friday, August 30, 2013

God's Love

In Ragtime there is a song, "I thought I knew what love was, but these lovers play new music." I echo that sentiment, I thought I knew what love was, then I went on a mission,got married, became a parent, and almost died.I know the scripture "God is Love"(1john 4:7)'In The God Who Weeps'the authors write, "if vulnerability and pain are the price of love, joy is its reward"This comforts me and gives me joy as I go through this "veil of tears." I believe that we are that we might have joy and the price has been paid by my Heavenly Father's perfect Son, my Savior Jesus Christ.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Thoughts: the good, the bad, the ugly

The good: go to your 'happy place' anytime find peace in a world that is in chaos.
The bad:I do not filter thing easily any more and once I am in a funk, it is harder for me to get myself out of. I was also told by my speech therapist, that I would one day remember what my mind has buried about the accident, my own PTSD to look forward to.
The ugly:I am often my own worst enemy, kicking myself over and over for my mistakes and imperfections, and if I do that to myself and do not check myself on it, out of habit it carries over to those around me.
The best advice that I have recieved about unwanted thoughts was by my mission president Call, "Don't let them camp out."

Wednesday, August 28, 2013


"Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids"-unknown, from Emily Burr,my sister in-law's blog
I was sitting with my Pa and grandpa Baugh talking about reading, 'The God Who Weeps' and how much that we enjoyed it and laughed at how similar we are. I am glad that I inherited their since of humor along with their love of learning and gift of gab.I would tell parents at the KUED Ready to Learn workshops that I did for work, that My mom would make us do three things when we got home from school: wash our hands, get a healthy snack and then do our homework.She would also have all of us take turns reading out loud to her. Education was always the most important emphasis for her, spiritual as well as temporal things, always looking forward to BYU education week, listening to scriptures, both ancient and modern while working out and doing household chores, and working in the temple.She is also the master planner, if you want to know what is the plan for Christmas next year, or when her granddaughter in New Mexico starts school, check her wall calendar in the kitchen
My in laws are commendable for their sought after qualities as well, Lexy's mom, Nanna loves to serve others, working with adults with disabilities and read. Her father,Papa, Shafe loves to clean things, Loves sports and express his love to his family through service and by telling them.
It makes me wonder what my own kids will be excited to see as their inheritance from their fabulous mother and DORK of a father.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

My Abby's life is a musical

I wonder where she gets her theatrical genes from?
Lex tells me all the time about how she goes throught the day with songs stuck in her head,doing a show at Hale or not. Here is my recent playlist in my mind:'There in the darkness' from Jekyll & Hyde,Beast's solo in Beauty and the Beast,'Unlimited'and 'changed for the better' from wicked, 'One Day More,' 'Stars,' and 'God on High' from Les Miserables, and 'Our children,' The Wheels of a Dream,' All He Said Was,'and 'What of the people,' from Ragtime, David Walked into the Valley from Scarlet Pimpernel, and last but not least Dr. Neal Baugh, High Adventure from Aladin-I am not sure I will ever get that one out.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Turning the frown up side down/The Best Abb Workout that I Know of

Lex in her organized chaos moved the computer downstairs to our computer center armour, she now has a kitchen counter back and I can be down here and be with the kids, Brilliancy strikes again!So my Colester runs down the stairs in front of me, turns around when he reaches the bottom, looks up at me with a how can I help you?-I Know of a smile and yells at me, Jump daddy!Jump!So, I get a ton of therapy in going up and downstairs regulating where all the kids are.
Pre-bowel obstruction surgery, touchdown like celebration noises coming from our bathroom on a successful poop and Lex telling me that I may want to work on that, going back to work and being in a stall in the restroom making those sounds, other men may wonder what I am doing in there.

Having to bring Coleman into the bathroom with me because I am afraid of what he will do without my supervision.For example, lex watched him when she put one of his toys on time out because Max and him where fighting over it, He moved a chair to the bookshelf, ran upstairs and brought his stool down to put on the chair, still could not reach, so went downstairs to get a toy lightsaber, and knocked down the toy down with it.This kid has great problem solving skills that will serve him well as long as he survives long enough to be an adult.
Laughing at a episode of Dinosaur Train titled 'everyone poops.' I love PBS.

Having a high school friend drop by and leave flowers for Lex, just to say "thanks for being a good friend."Thank you Kirin. You are a great friend too.

Comparing Maxwell to Sheldon on Big Bang Theory. It makes his emotional tantrums bearable and miss him now that he is in kindergarten for half of the day.

My speech therapist up at the hospital was Darrin. I gave him the nickname of 'saxaphone assassin' because of a story that he told me that when he was in middle school he played the saxaphone and they played at the white house, they would not let him take his saxaphone case in because it had not been searched.

My kids applauding me when I take steps around the house without my hiking stick or cane
Matt playing Therapist and backing up, like our swim teachers did while we swam to them,when Abby told me to walk to him without my hiking pole. he laughed and reminded me, "Everyone is a therapist."

Lex getting home and telling me that she thought of me and bought new dishwasher tablets that are not individually wrapped- no more opening them with my teeth, and when a guest presenter at her school training spoke on 'greatness' and purposed that they read more than one book at a time on different subjects.

I have the bad habit of staying in my wheelchair while reaching for things in the kitchen cabinets, yesterday, I did this and set off the 'pam' spray that had lost its cap and was cinched between the top shelf.Abby came running over when I started laughing and screaming at the 'pam' spraying at me.

My kids calling for Uncle Mike over me or Lex at his pool.Coleman swimming at the pool, he wants to grow up so fast.
Remembering that last year when Lex went back to work, how I would have to leave a trail of marshmallows to get Coleman to come to me to get his diaper changed. Now he will use the potty when promised a treat.
Abby going with Maxwell to back to school night and sharing with him all the things that he needs to know and worry about; fire drills, lockdowns, and earthquake drills. Thanks my Abby princess, Max wasn't worried until now. I am glad that Max has a older sister to look out for him. Love you both.
Max was to do some kindergarten testing, so Lex arranged to take him. She called me to make sue that he was ready to go, that she was running late and would just pull up and honk. I waited anxiously with him ready to go by the front door. I told him the plan and he asked me if he could wait out on the front porch, I agreed and watched him lie down while waiting, then go to the lawn, pull down his pants and pee on our front lawn. I was furious and laughing hysterically.How did he think that this was alright to do? Without laughing in his presence, I yell at him to come inside and use the bathroom inside, to which he replied that he didn't have to go anymore.I did make him come in and wash his hands, while attempting to explain to him that we are not dogs and do not go potty outside even when we pretend to be an animal.
Having my grandparents jump up and offer me their seat at the table and serve me dinner.

Asking Coleman to bring me some toilet paper and him bring me a few sheets, it was better than nothing.

Coleman telling my twin bro, that,"I not a bro, I Cole!"
Role reversing with Lex coming home from work and me waiting by the door excited to talk to a grown up, asking her 50 questions before she can get through the door. Her telling me that she just got home and would like not to think about work until after her headache is gone.

Her coming home a few days latter, skipping and crying for joy to show me the copy of her student's published, and signed, children's book.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Rocket Science

My twin brother told me that he had the desire to become a rocket scientist just because of the phrase we often throw at people, 'it's not like rocket science." I hear you Matt. I feel the same way, Who knew that relearning how to walk would be one of the most challenging things for me? I joked with my PTs that learning to walk is not 'like learning to ride a bike.'It is not something that I have been able to just pick up naturally. Jan Black the lead PT at Neuroworx was quick to respond to my comment that, "There are other variables now to my relearning."I laughed and said, "yes, like trying to ride a bike with triangle wheels not round ones," but atleast I have a bike to work with.

Thursday, August 22, 2013


yes, The scriptures in 'The Book of Mormon' Ether 12:27 comes to mind right away, as well as Mosiah 4:27. In 'The God who Weeps,'the authors make the point, "We are drawn to the suffering Christ, not the victorious Christ.. . . .God wins power by His weakness." I do not know where to begin on how profound this truth is to me in my personal weakness.Hope is real, it is found in truth and living as best I can to align myself with it and only relying on my Savior Jesus Christ to make me strong through obediece to His gospel. I love Him

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Survivor: stay at home parent addition

This is where the real 'Survivors are found. I joked with Matt about how I need a Coke a day to keep me running and to help me keep up with my kids. It's no joke.
There is a steep learning-curve to being at home, since it is 'adapt or die mode.' Here's to more adapting and hopefully zero-casualties, that is the measure of my success.Unfortunately, this leads to full time supervision for my Colester, so my 10am deadline for daily posts takes a hit, but other than that day one, with Abby and Lex back at school is a success. To be continued. . . . My money is on Coleman

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

'Be Still My Soul'

Is my favorite Hymn. I could not help sing along with my cousin Sharon and her husband Fernando Seminario sang it at Miranda's, their oldest's baptism.
"Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.
3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last."
Text: Katharina von Schlegel, b. 1697;
trans. by Jane Borthwick, 1813-1897(LDS Hymn Book #124)
I know that Joy will reign because of the promises of my Savior Jesus Christ and His gospel.
I have had reason to draw strength from this hymn and am grateful that like in the parable of the Prodigal son, my hardships in life-that are not my Heavenly Father's doing, but the consequences of life, have helped me to 'come to myself' and realize what is important in life; My family and faith.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Novelty V.S. Stagnation

"Once they knew that some changes were for the better, and others for the worse, and others again indifferent".We read from Screwtape in his letters to Wormwood. He continues, "We have largely removed this knowledge." Remember that this is a devil speaking/training another devil,"For the descriptive 'unchanged' we have substituted the emotional adjective 'stagnant.'" The point here being, "We have retained them to think of the Future as a promised land which favored heroes attain-not as something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is." I fall into this trap of thinking, ""one day..." I think that it has a compound reason to it of my fear and procrastination, Much like the dreaded side effect of urinary urgency and retention, this combination is not conducive to Making the most out of life.
My challenge with my TBI is I deal with change differently, I have a shorter fuse and am more prone to turn to anger, than seeking out an escape valve to blow off steam. on the other side, I attempt to relish the mundane moments from waking up and breathing deeply to giggling with my kids at their crazy, dork of a dad.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

It's about time"

Comes from the LDS ad campaign.
When I was in 6th grade, My teacher found a poem in our reading time slot of the day and marked it on the board as "Curtis' poem" it was all about time. In our 6th grade 'getting to know you' survey I filled out that I was most afraid of 'time.' I remember being a sophomore in high school and my Pa driving me to some school function, I was confiding in him my concerns about the fears I had about the future(which I am not able to recall what they were at the time). He lovingly told me to enjoy the time that I had to grow up.
One of my Pa's "Dadisms" is,"This too, shall pass." I talked to my bishop a few months ago about how I was doing as full time Mr. Mom and how much work it is. I am excited to have this time with my family. I love them and know this is what I chose to come back to life for.
"To everything there is a season"(Psalms)school, work,play,study,rest, crying, laughing, planting,growing, harvesting.
Thanks to a Loving Father in Heaven we are here to experience a time to be tested and proved. No matter our circumstances, we all have been given the same amount of hours in a day to do with what we see fit. I know that I will be held accountable for the time that I have been given. My twin bro, Matt said that one of his neighbors made the comment in Sunday School that she did not like the excuse of,"I don't have time." In response to a opportunity to serve. She went on to say that she has time to watch a favorite TV show and what she responds is,"We have to make it a priority and make time." I agree, in a time that we have so many distractions, I have to prioritize what I use my energy doing or not doing.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Return with honor mission memoirs#2

With that backdrop I went to what I thought looked like the moon, Antofagasta, Chile.I met President and sister Wagnar. My first companion or trainer in the field was Ryan Jesperson, also from Orem, Ut. We had a running mission and Elder Jesperson taught me how to work.I was so homesick that at night I would dream of being on family vacations.It was such a blessing.We were in Calama, a mining town next to the biggest open-pit mine in the world, chuquicamata. I remember trying to memorize the mission discussions while walking and attempting to communicate with the locals.Ryan Jesperson was a district leader and during one of his lessons on the third discussion, he wanted to stress the importance of teaching by the Spirit and asked me to teach a principle to the other missionaries. I was terrified because of my lack of studying this discussion, I was only working on memorizing the first.After I struggled through, Ryan smiled and said in Spanish, "You see Elder Baugh doesn't know how to say everything perfectly, but you feel the spirit when he tries."I smiled and reminded myself that he was complimenting me.I will never forget this experience or him cutting my hair, kneeling in prayer with him outside of an appartment complex, in the dark both physically and what felt like spiritually and emotionally and the feeling of hope and joy that came to both of us to continue to work, the branch president Hermano Cofray and his faith, and last but not least meeting teaching and feeling the conversion of Luz.He is still in contact with me and takes care of me as his missionary "son,"since he was responsible for training me as a missionary. He was the best trainer that I could have hoped for, and is a great friend.
My second companion was Bill Rounds who was from the "factory" of Utah as well.I was his companion over my first Christmas away from home, which meant my first phone call to my family. Bill was very understanding of me braking down and crying while on my phone call with them. He had confidence in me and had me teach anyone and everyone.
My second area was in the most well to do area in my mission and where my mission president lived.With Elder Steel, who helped me learn to laugh at myself while working hard.In our ward, after bearing my testimony, President Wagnar came up to me to compliment me saying, Elder Baugh, it is great that you just speak what you feel and do not worry about using the right congugations."I felt deflated, was it not obvious that I did care and was trying everything I knew to communicate correctly?!

Friday, August 16, 2013

" For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also(3Nephi 13:21)"

In our challenge to become.This scripture spells it out for us.What do we desire the most? What is our treasure? Does my life reflect this? What do I spend my time doing? Where are my thoughts? It also is written,"you reap what you sow," (Galatians 6:7)and in a Thing of Wonder, "Keep one eye on the law of the echo."or karma. 'a rose by any other name. . . ' I am told that I am very introspective, but that does not mean that I am good at it. I am good at stream of consciousness- connecting one thought to another. that does not mean that you are able to follow my TBI thought connections.
Matt, my twin brother is one of the hardest workers that I know. He desires the best for his family and knows that work will get him the best. We have great friends. like Brett Borg and Ryan Morris, who are not afraid to work hard and long hours to provide for their family either.Thank you all for your example.You are looked up to more than I am able to express here.
Lex loves to teach and to be on stage, I tell people that she is my connection to culture. Love you Babe.
In a world concerned and set on the superficial, to be grounded in the "Longitudinal perspective" that comes from the Gospel of Jesus Christ is strengthening and a reward in its self, by the treasured peace that it gives me by living it.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

"Life is to short to be small"

Is a concept out of the book, 'A Thing of Wonder' Have you got yourself a copy of this one yet? I am still reading it through for the first time because I like to digest on the concept being taught for a day before getting to the next one, something about only walking as fast as we have strength to?(Mosiah 4:27)to live a happy,full, and fulfilling life I have to let the little stuff go more often than I do. My plate is full as it is. I had a therapist tell me that I needed to pick a point in the distant future and look to that and do what I need to do to get there instead of worrying about every slight difference in terrain.
My sister in law Heather told me that I should be on a Mormon ad about forgiveness.I just do not understand why I would try to ruin a 17 year old girl's life over an accident? My dream job would be to do assemblies in high schools around the state with her and talk about driving and cell phone use. I keep saying that if anything good can come from this, let's make it happen, it is part of me dreaming big

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Abby's Prayers

Are so sincere and faith driven about her real life 7 year old concerns: being nice to everyone, not having a nightmare, or that our house will get stuck by lightning and start on fire, that we will know what is right and do it, that her dad will continue to get better, walk and stand on his own, and one day be able to swing her through the sprinklers again. I love them and love the little angel saying the prayer more. They make me smile to think of how my prayers must sound to my Heavenly Father and how much that He loves to hear and smile at all of our prayers. I know that He loves us and that He is our Heavenly Father, a real Person.
C.S. Lewis writes on prayer in 'The Screwtape Letters,' which again is one Devil helping to train another, "But whatever the nature of the composite object, you must keep him(the human that they are tempting) praying to it. -to the thing he has made, not to the Person who has made him.""

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

"Logitudinal Perspective"

is a Neal A. Maxwellism.The favorite chapter in A Thing of Wonder, for my grandparents is on the idea that the saddest phrase in the English language is “If only . . . ” because it makes us focus on the past. If instead we are able to say, “Next time . . . ,” we can use our experiences as learning building blocks to success instead of potholes of yesterdays and discouragement. I am preaching more to myself than to anyone else, “Next time. . . ’You have to start somewhere/some time, Why not here and now? I have tried to live reminding myself that the mindset of, “Life shouldn't be this way” is not productive. To counteract this pothole, I think about some counsel that Lex told me that her bishop, bishop White told her, “That there are no surprises for God. He knows everything.” It is up to us to choose what we will do with Life’s challenges, expected ones and all others. Our Heavenly Father is able to consecrate our efforts and make them beneficial for us, if we have the “longitudinal perspective” to see them as He does. Hindesight is usually 20/20, but in the moment, it is another perspective.

Monday, August 12, 2013


Discouragement has been and continues to be a stumbling block for me. I surround myself with positive ideas and crave powerful inspirational successes, am constantly reminding myself of Neuroworx’s founder Dale Hull’s saying about progress: “that it is glacially slow, others will see the big chunks break off.” Meanwhile I feel every millimeter of scraping friction that is the price to pay
I also encourage outlets to let my guard down and laugh at myself and life. Friday at therapy I walked a mile in the Locomat and then did a few laps inside without my hiking pole to try and get carryover. My Pa was there to be Dr. Baugh and encourage me, telling me that, “if you fall, It will be slow because I have you by this gait belt.” Thanks my Pa.
On Saturday, I had a day off from using my wheelchair and gave the yellow beauty a much needed rest. Yesterday, Lex told me how proud and excited she was for me, saying, There is no way you would have or could have done that three years ago.Yor therapists and doctors at the hospital said that your brain has to prioritize and not only worry about healing, but has to work harder just to do the basics. Now let's continue, get down on the floor with Coleman and remember to do as much as you can at home so when you are at therapy you use it to all the potential that you are able to, so here we go, rejoicing at every Victories of a CHAMPION along the way, as small or minute as they may seem, celebrations of any kind in my life are much appreciated and a main arch nemesis to discouragement. Tonight I am excited to have the wedding shower of my Lacer to look forward to, speaking of progress, Jake she is a major find and way out of your league, and anyone's for that matter- don't ever forget it.Don't worry, I married up too, way out of my league and it was the best choice I ever made. We are excited for you to be joining our crazy family.Love you both

Sunday, August 11, 2013


mine is named Coleman. Lexy's fam applaud that we finally have a 'normal' child.I am afraid to go to the bathroom because I do not know what he will get into or do while he is not being supervised, so I have started bringing him into the bathroom with me-another brilliancy moment from Lex, we are potty training afterall. So here is an example of this kids determination: we have found that timeout for his toys is as effective, if not more than putting him on timeout. Lex put one of his toys on the top of a bookshelf on our main floor family room and then watched him pull a chair from our kitchen to it, stand on it and find that he could not reach, then he went upstairs and got a stool that is in the kids bathroom upstairs so that they can wash their hands. He sets the stool on top of the chair and climbs up to the top to find the toy is still out of reach, not to be phased, he then goes downstairs and gets his toy lightsaber, with it in hand, Luke Skywalker would have been proud of this young padawon, he climbs back on top of the stool that is staked on the chair and triumphantly knocks the toy from the bookself.These problemsolving abilities will serve you well young one if you are able to survive to adulthood.

Saturday, August 10, 2013


It is what the war in heaven was fought over.Lex came home from one of her training days at Paradigm High school and told me about a comment that Dave,another mentor made about how "there are really only two powers in the world: force and obedience, not forced obedience, but obedience out of love." She said, It made sense and made me think about how we are the only creation of our Heavenly Fathers that are still figuring out that it is in our best interest to choose to align our will to His. You are one smart cookie Babe and work with some fine thinkers too.
I have two choices as we all do, "Get busy living or to get busy dieing."(Shawshank Redemption)Thank you Patrick Funk for helping me with the source of the quote. I choose last night to walk down the hall way upstairs without my cane, which meant that this morning I had to walk from my bedroom to the stairs without it. I was on a roll, so have been given my rolling wheelchair a break today. In A Thing of Wonder the author defines tragedy; "As not some sorrow that happens to us but what we miss."I am learning that the only thing holding me back is myself. I do not want fear to dictate the direction of my life. "We walk by faith not by sight"(Corinthians 5:7)It has been said, "Life is what you make of it." One of my PTs commented that I must get around pretty good at home. I hung my head down and said that I still used my wheelchair here because I was afraid to fall. You will be sick and tired until you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, that is when you do something. I am at that breaking point now in my life with Lex starting back at work and Abby and Max back in school at the end of this month. It will be me and my buddy Colester here.


Lex told me the other day that I was a bit of a writing diva because I like to tinker with my posts up to the moment of publishing, but I also like to post everyday and am toying with the idea of syncing a automatic publishing time on my posts everyday. In my anguish over this dilemma ,Lex laughed at me and made the diva comment. I replied that I could be WD for short, but she replied that was too much of a mouthful. My come back is to be called DW, because I am backwards anyways.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Survival Mode

You know when all you can do to stay alive is those things that are absolutely necessary? When you are not sure about the weather tomorrow, or the retirement plan because you are concerned about taking your next breath. Welcome to survival mode, Lex bought a wall decoration with the phrase 'God and germs are everywhere so say your prayers and wash your hands.' Check, check, and then breath,
Jenn, my twin brother's wife made a wall decoration that says 'tell someone you love them because life is short, yell it to them in German because life is also terrifying. too true on both accounts.It has been nice, to say the least to have a summer with Lex home and being out of this extreme mode of survive, now with school starting again soon, it is back to this mode, but with only the Colster here with me all day. My money is on him surviving.
Which also means that I need to appologize that writing daily on here has fallen down the priority list. I love this, just not at the expense of missing out on my greatest calling in life and the reason that I am still around; to be a husband and father.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

The right ?s

Matt Allred, A friend of mine in our neighborhood made the comment more than once in different lessons at church that he, “Likes to think about purpose, when it comes to Gospel questions” In C. S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters Screwtape, the more experienced devil writes to his nephew and inexperienced devil Wormwood, “Of a proposed course of action He(God) wants men, so far as I can see, to ask very simple questions; is it righteous? Is it prudent? Is it possible? ” he goes on to advise wormwood, “Now if we can keep men asking ‘Is it in accordance with general movement of our time? Is it progressive or reactionary? Is this the way History is going?’ they will neglect the relevant questions. ”
How often I find myself overcomplicating things, including the questions about life, when in reality things are simple.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Rough draft Life

Lex will accept back but not enter in a grade if her students have not made the corrections that she makes on their first, rough draft. She is a tough, real life grader.Her previous semester students come back and tell her how scared they were of her at first because of her reputation. She loves it and tells them that she likes it that way, so that she gets only those who really want to work in her classes.
My family is going through the last daughters on either side of the family getting married in September. I am excited for both of the and love them as the last spoiled, but not rotten queen bees that they are as their place in the fam. I keep reminding my sister Lacey that love is work; fun, exciting, and well worth it work, it is a verb and has to be done if you want to keep it that way.
We are not perfect people, at our last stake conference the Area Authority said in the Saturday, adult session, "that he never has talked to a woman that did not have grounds to divorce her husband." Everyone laughed and we were not prepared for him to finish with, "I have never met a man that did not have grounds to divorce his wife, marriage is work."
I am glad that even with all my mistakes and rough draft life,My wife and I are still working together. I love you my Lex.

Monday, August 5, 2013

not enough smirking/giggles

I wore my tie backwards at church today.Matt noticed and said,'you have a different tie today, it is on backwards?'Lex noticed when I got home and laugh when I told her about Matt.She asked me why he did not help me fix it. I laughed and told her that I was setting a new trend. She laughed and replied, yeah, you are cool enough to do it, now you better write about it on a blog post.
My Colester running through the sprinkles with his eyes closed and screaming with delight/cold water shock.
My Bishop and friend Nathan Hanson passing me on a walk around the block and saying,"Curtis I have been thinking about you all day , Melanie(his wife)has been with their oldest our day, (which left him at home with the other two) I am not tough enough to do this at home thing!"
Getting mail back with "Return to Sender" on it because my handwriting is so bad. Sorry my Amers, your note will be delayed some.
My Lacer calling to check on me and making my day by staying on the phone while she is trying to work an "Out of Order" car wash.Just know that it is the change machine and not you that is Out of Order, My CHAMPION of a sister!

Lex is now the family chauffeur among the other titles under her superhero name "Brilliancy," On one of her drops, swimming lessons three times a week for Max and Abby, she started grumbling about the "apparently not awake and with it drivers." Max smiled and said, "Mom, what is it? The zombie drivers?"