Monday, March 17, 2014


"To the brain meaning is every thing" Neuroscientist Dr. Page Bailey. I am at a point in my recovery that I am worried, shocking I know, about the next step. I know that I have written about my progress and only getting into trouble when I try to take more than one step at a time. In relate-able terms in the workforce. I am looking for the next promotion directly over me not two or three. I am not looking to beat the system.That connection comes from my twin brother Matt's life.
As I am typing the song 'Hanging By a Moment' from Lifehouse: "Desperate for changing, starving for truth . . .Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete. I'll take your invitation, you take all of me now." It has been on my find for the last few weeks. I am particularly taken with the phrases, "Forgetting what I'm lacking" and completely in complete." There is a sense of peace that comes from such self-awareness of knowing that I am imperfect, but that I am progressing and doing my best. I am CHAMPION

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Spring Clean

This year, Had me going through our stack/pile of mail. In it I came across the things that I had up at the hospital, my admittance report, get well cards, rehab schedule and notes from my therapists. I am reminded of the authur of The Gospel of Second Chances stating that,” no matter how long or bad the winter is, spring always follows.” I am a living miracle that this is true.
One of my favorite entries done by my OT was, “Curtis’ best friend Marc Mckay, surprised Curtis with a visit today. He was excited to see him.” I have the best friends.They are not just fair-weather friends. 
As we get our house ready to sell, yes we are going to move. I have to remind myself that there are good people everywhere. This neighborhood has been so good to us and become our family as we started our family. They will be missed.I am talking myself into being excited for our next adventure as we move.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

being in love with life

The captain of the Axion on Disney's WALL-E tells the computer autopilot, "I want to do more than survive, I want to live." I have to admit, step one- self awareness -check. I have been in a 'funk' lately and something about spring being right around the corner has me excited about all the little things that spring means,things like: growing a garden, being able to get outside more to just be outside, seeing my kids play for hours outside, riding bikes, swinging, and being kids. I am a blessed man, I wouldn't have chosen this type of life therapy for me, but I know that it is what I need to be the person that I can be. In the words of Art Berg, "My dreams are coming true not in-spite of my challenges, but because of them."

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

A look at gender roles

For me, not anyone else. I have struggled with this my whole life. I have wanted to be what I thought was masculine; take charge, athletic, strong,determined confident guy. I grew up feeling like the 'runt' and was always more prone to practice the piano than to play ball.
I grew up in a family where my mom was able to be home with us and my Pa worked 6 days a week. They both supported each other in the nurturer and provider roles.
I felt successful in my job before and even after the accident at KUED, but because of budget cuts my position was sacked. Lex loves her job as a mentor at Paradigm High School were she teaches Theater and core English classes. I am at home with the Colester, Abby and Maxwell when they get home from school. making them do the things my mom did when I got home:1. wash your hands. 2. Get a healthy snack. 3. Tell me about your day. 4. do homework.I am not as good as my friend Joe Fernandez who does the cooking in his home. Lex still takes that on after a full day at work, Brillancy strikes everyday!

Monday, March 10, 2014

Thought-provoking, Humorous quotes:

I cannot take credit for the following,the credit goes to a fellow Candeo student, but I wanted to share, especially on a Monday after losing an hour of sleep:
Humorous quotes:
1 – I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 – Borrow money from pessimists — they don't expect it back.
3 – Half the people you know are below average.
4 – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6 – A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 – A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 – If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.
9 – All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
10 – The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 – I almost had a psychic girlfriend, …But she left me before we met.
12 – OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 – How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 – If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 – Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 – When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 – Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 – Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 – I intend to live forever… So far, so good.
21 – Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 – What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 – My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 – Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
25 – If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 – A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 – Experience is something you don't get until just after you needed it.
28 – The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 – To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 – The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 – The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 – The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 – Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 – If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 – If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Saturday, March 8, 2014

"Take Strength From Those that Need You."

From Disney's Tarzan Much strength, have I. Lex and I have decided that for our family it is best if one of us is home with the kids,  or in the case of our Colester the kid, we are fortunate to be able to do thisIn Tuesday's with Morrie, he explains to Mitch that,"If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being and learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you have children. "  I draw my strength from my kids, here are some examples:
 Abby:I have special one-on-one time with my Abby Girl every weekend in the mornings, she comes and crawls into bed with me and we just chat about anything and everything. I love this time. Helps me do my hair and tie on Sundays, or at least gives me a thumbs up or thumbs down, and loves me even when I am a dork, the t-shirt that she will always pick out for me has it spelled in red, capital letters.
Maxwell: Helps me when he sees me trying to do something with one good arm that he can easily do, claps when I walk in the house without my hiking pole, and is constantly pestering me to tickle him again!
Coleman: Giving me a run for the money, as he out smarts me and he is only three. He does love me, a fact that I am constantly reminding myself and get to see once every week, when my Pa drops me off to therapy and goes to run an errand or two with him. My Pa has told me that he breaks down crying, saying, "I need my daddy!"
It is nice to be needed. I long to belong and in a world of strangers belong here with my family.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

"This to shall pass"

Is another on of my Pa's favorite sayings. I am finding, along with many other memorable statements how true it is.I have been told by more than one of my therapists that I have an "all or nothing mentality." A blessing and a curse at times, as with any trait or tendency, it all depends on what I choose to make of it. Let's just say that I wouldn't be on the world championship texas-holdum finals.

I have mentioned how therapeutic this has been for me to connect with others and share my successes as well as my challenges? with this all or nothing mindset I am prone to get in a rut and hyperventilate about how I am never getting out.So, once again this is more for me than anyone else, something about narcissism. Hopefully that will be just a phase and shall pass, I make it sound like breaking wind or 'fluffing' as we say in our home.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014


Just For Kicks and Giggles: This is one of my therapists sayings. Mike is CHAMPION to say the least, he loves to be the 'peanut gallery' when anyone else is working with me to help them watch out for all my CHAMPION compensating that I do. Anywho, I liked his saying and thought it would serve as a catchy title for a collection of things that have caused me to giggle:
Before starting with that, one of my other favorite sayings of Mikey's, "defiantly maybe."
My Cole-Cole turned three, but was extremely ornery, even for him, on his big day. when he was asked how old he was he would say, "I'm just nufin!" or my favorite, "I'm 5! Just like Max."
For Christmas my sister in law got me a few t-shirts from I love wearing them to therapy, check them out and laugh out loud, it is therapeutic. I have the "If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic and "Dear Karma" ones.
At therapy, i swear for all the physical gains I have made at Neuroworx, which are miracles, I am most grateful for the social & comic therapy I get there. Sorry, sidetracked, again, Matt Hanson comes up to me and tells me that he likes my "DORK" t-shirt the best. stating, "Curtis you are a CHAMPION DORK." I had an in-depth conversation with Jen about politics and our broken system. she is smarter than I am, no surprise there, and proposed that a cap on funding for elections would be a good start. I laughed and asked her to write me an essay about it. She came back with expecting on from me, I should get on that . . .
Kate, at therapy cheerfully greeted me with, "Curtis, you are so clean!" I guess I should start shaving more often.
I finally get a hold of my twin brother only to find out that his wife Jenn had sent him a text earlier "call me ASAP." He was in a meeting and couldn't help to think of all the terrible things that could have happened, when he called her, Jenn explained that she only was out of sight for three minutes and she "cut her. . ."  Matt was worried and inserted an ER ending and couldn't help to laugh when Jenn finished with "Lizzy cut her own hair!" I laughed being uniquely able to understand both sides.
My Coleman takes a cup with some water in it and turns it upside down spilling water all over the table, befoe I calm myself down, I am yelling,"Think McFly, think!" I start laughing at myself and at the situation because none of my kids would understand the reference to Back to the Future
On Valentine's day my sweet Abby made me a valentine on a yellow heart that read:"Curtis whellchar Dorkis, sleepy. you will always love me. I love you." At first I was sad that the first description of me was my "whellchar," but was quickly overwhelmed by the sense that I had done something right, she knows that I will always love her as her dorkish and sleepy dad.
My older Brother's wife, Shannon called me to ask me for Lex's number and I was able to ask her how things are going for them in Albuquerque, New Mexico. She told me that they went out  with Neal's home teaching companion and a couple that they home teach. Neal offered to make dinner reservations for them, when his companion responded that the guys should go work out at the gym together before and then they could do karaoke and finish with ice skating!She was laughing so hard, that she was almost crying into the phone when she said, "You should have seen Neal's face! He said if only they would have added 'charades,' this would be my worst nightmare." I texted him the day after and he cooly replied that it went "surprisingly well."I am not sure what you have done with my older brother Shannon, but I do not know this guy anymore and like him.
When in doubt always ask, I was on the locomat at Neuroworx and the therapists noticed that my left foot was landing awkwardly. They laughed with each other, chuckling a, "that's weird, but it is Curtis." Later on I mentioned to Kate that she really did smell clean, thanks to my super power of super smell from my Baugh nose. I was able to detect this. She replied that she wished that she had such a super power so that she would always know if she smelled bad or not. Mikey suggested," or you could have an 'honest to a fault friend,' like Curtis." We then had to play name the movie that, 'honest to a fault' comes from. which is The Odd Life of Timothy Green.' On highly suggested to see by me if you haven't already.
Back on the locomat my left knee started to pinch a bit on every initiation of stance phase. I mentioned this to Kate and Mikey, they assessed and made a few changes, but the pinching continued ever so slightly. Later on Mikey commented, "everything looks fine, I hope that the pain doesn't have any lingering after effect." As he laughed I laughed back saying, "you are only laughing when you say that because it is not your leg!"
At home, a few hours later when Lex got home she asked, Why is your foot swollen?" in a concerned tone that was followed by suggestions to take care of it. A quick text to Dr. Pa Baugh had me iced up and laying on the floor so as to elevate my left foot. Lex suggested that I sleep on the couch on our main floor so that I didn't have to worry about coming down the stairs in the morning. Ah, "lingering after effects." to live and learn from. No worries my foot is back to CHAMPION, normal size.
I failed to mention that I did several laps with my Pa and then had my brace off for the rest of the day after therapy and could have easily have twisted it here at home.
Pa always takes Cole-Cole to Sam's Club with him to get gas while I get stretched and set up on the locomat. Coleman loves this one on one time with Grandpa and they always come back with a story of what handout they were able to sample, as well as what show was on all the display TVs. Pa has told me several times that my Colester is the happiest kid, with an empty stomach and two empty legs, because of the amount of pancakes that he puts away before we leave, the samples of cinnabuns, applesauce and muffins eatten, when you get to be with one of your favorite person for a morning and he as well as everyone in a store where the "crazy lion show" is playing, Madagascar is giving you something good to eat, what's not to be happy about?
Pa, when he has them in stock, always gives Coleman one of his tooth suckers and leaves one for Max and Abby, as well as another one for him when they get theirs, Pa had six kids after all and know how the fairness scale works to a three year old.So, the tooth suckers have become a special treat. If Pa forgets he will be asked several times, if brought and I put them some where only to forget about them. I am very good at putting things in a special place that I will only think to remember, if only I always remembered where I hid them from myself. Coleman, the day after such an nonremembering experience, asked me accusingly, "Did you really eat Abby's tooth sucker?"
Note: "tooth suckers" are suckers that my Pa gets that have a teeth cleaning agent in them and they are in the shape of a tooth.
My Amers came back into town with her family because her husband, Blake had more interviews here.I am so excited to get them back here when that happens.While they were in Washington St. at Gonzaga for law school, Blake had a good friend that he would study with and would help him with getting to the airport, one time Amy mentioned that she was glad that Blake had, Roger, this friend, but the way that she said it made it sound like he was his imaginary friend.It has become a family joke, "How's Roger doing, Blake?" He is a good sport to put up with me.
I am gaining weight, some of the good kind and the other gut kind as well, I laugh at not being able to fit in my jeans, something that is relate-able for many people, but for a skinny kid growing up, this is an unexpected problem, so I have more of an appetite than I ever had in my life. The other night I was the first to finishmy dinner, so Lex had me lick off the brownie batter from the beaters. I made sure to do this as messily as possible, getting the chocolate batter all over my face to my kids delight.
Lex is crazy busy, nothing new here, but as she was in the kitchen this morning, almost tripping over me to get out the door to leave, she noticed the crunching sound that she was making because of the dinner that we had last night that called for smashed croutons. When she paused long enough to ask if I could help her by cleaning the floor today, she threw a wooden spatula that she had been using to stir her chocolate instant breakfast into the sink, which was full, so it bounced out and landed onto the now sticky and crunchy floor. we both laughed as she asked again. Keep laughing and smiling Babe, I will too as I clean the floor.


Monday, March 3, 2014

Hope on, I hope

I 've had a lot of thoughts on hope lateley

  1.  Without it I want to let my body crawl into the fetal position and stay in a corner to wallow. I testify that the best is yet to come and that keeps me going. one of my goals in 2014 is to baptize my Abby when she turns 8! I am getting old. Thankfully, weaknesses can be used and even become strengths, if I am humble (Ether 12:27). Now I am a hope addict. Nice for a change. in my searching on on hope, I came across this talk from Elder Neal A. Maxwell in October 1998.I was going to pull out quotes, but the more I read, the more I wanted to just insert the whole talk, so linked here it is, as well as this one.
  2. I listened to a BYU devotional by Johnathan Sandberg where he gave this math problem: grace+ action = healing. "The simplest way to act in faith is prayer." He spoke of an experience his wife had as they were teaching their primary class about prayer and she did not understand how to teach the kids the importance of praying when Heavenly Father's will, will be done anyway.She had been praying for her father who was in a comma and died despite her prayers. She tearfully got her answer as she taught that she knew that although God's will will be done. She knew that we are better off if we pray rather than not praying.
  3. Dr.Robinson talked to me frankly about in his opinion I was not going to overcome, without forming a relationship with my Heavenly Father and the first step  is by talking with Him. To have hope I need this relationship. I have a lot to learn, knowing that is the first step towards seeking hope.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

practical progress

I only now understand that I am not going to wake up tomorrow and be perfect, physically, mentally, emotionally or even spiritually(another big ah-ha moment for me, better late then never, Eh?). Call it a lack of faith, or faith in the plan of happiness, as I like to spin it. Happiness is a journey, that I find requires persistent work and triumphs over giving our wills to our Heavenly Father.
I spoke with my Stake President about how things are going for me. I love President Jacobsen and his practical approach to living the gospel. He was so kind and understanding as we spoke of my limitations and challenges. He was sure to not only bring up, but to emphasize the strengths that he sees in me. At the end of our meeting he asked, "Have I told you that I love you?Have I told you that I am proud of you?" and there was one more that I forgot. It was CHAMPION to meet with him.
He discussed in detail how it is the Savior's plan to help us when we fall to enable us to be better than we were before. he stressed that I didn't need "rocket fuel, just diesel to be constantly moving in the right direction." We read the account in Mosiah chapter 4 abot the people of King Benjamin and their desire to apply the atonement to their lives. Primary answers: Desire and fervent prayer. He asked me how my scripture study was going and counseled me not to worry about more time, 20-30 min was good, but to do it in the morning to start my day out right. One of the many life lessons that I should be taking from my mission.
I have the right answers, onward and upward in application.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Pulled from the wreckage of my pre-accident life

I have always had to find meaning in Life's therapy, a blessing and a curse at times. With the car 'bump,' as we call it with my kids, I was off course with my life and needed a wake up call, now I do not believe in a God who causes bad things to happen. I do believe in a Father in Heaven who loves us as His children and wants us to reach our potential to return to live as He does by giving us the gift of agency. That means that we are free to choose our actions, but not the consequences.I like Nephi do not understand all things, but I do know that God our Heavenly Father loves us (1Nephi 11:17).
Life is not what happens to us, rather life is what we make happen out of the circumstances that happen to be ours.
In fast and testimony meeting Amy Etherington a neighbor shared that, "Life just sucks sometimes and that there are no answers to our whys."she shared how a friend of the family died at 41, leaving his wife and four children. she continued to share how three years to the day of his passing his 11 year old daughter was told that she had terminal bone cancer.
We continued this theme of trials in Sunday School with Jake Wierman teaching about the Willy&Martin handcart companies.
I was meeting with my Bishop, Jeremy Sorenson and he made the comment that he was excited to see the "mansion" that was being prepared for me. I explained to him that I was not expecting a place with a view in heaven, if I make it there. He was quick to explain that his idea of "mansions" were the relationships that we form here. I couldn't agree more. According to that I am one of the ""richest" man that has ever lived.
I am finding that everyone has sinned, Romans 3:10-12; 23-26. I also know that we are better off if we do not. from my own life I find that detox is not for quitters. I also have found that I can be my own worst enemy; ruthlessly cold and impatient, if I choose to live in toxicity of self-criticism about the past.