Latest and greatest from my Colester

So, I am a big tease, that's how I get my kiddos to do things and it saves my sanity.I get this"Are you serious?" look from them when ever I talk to them. They also take a reassuring look to Lex if I am persistent.
I realized that I could've crossed a line and may have to find a different way to motivate my Cole-Cole, when I was teasing him that he couldn't pick anything up because he is just my little baby. He looked up at me and said,"At least I can walk!" My first thought was, I'm in trouble if my four year old is already able to exploit my insecurities. I'm a dead man when/if he get to be a teenager.
Lex helps me calm down after an episode such as this. She reminds me that, he isn't attacking me or my disability. He is simply stating a fact, that baby's cannot walk, but he can.

The smart phone that made us dumber.

Think about it, how many phone numbers do you know? What about addresses?  Or emails? Or B-days? if it isn't programed in your phone would you remember them? Don't get me wrong, I love technology. I remember when I got home from my mission, shockingly it has been over ten years ago, I told Matt that it was going to be my first investment and I should've invested in a cellular company, instead of just buying one, and now i'm not sure where I'd be without it. Mine has been a bit tempermental since I dropped it in the toilet by accident last winter,  talk about a baptism by fire. Every now and the I have to reset it to keep it working right. Kind of like what I have to do with my mind now and reset with a new activity if I cannot do something right away, instead of getting frustrated and just giving up or take a nap or go to bed depending on the time of day.
But, it's all how you choose to use it. I remember a sacrament meeting talk  given by my elders quorum president, president Bevan. He stated that he liked to check the news before he went to bed and thought of how convenient it was to do this on his phone, but realized how much potential trouble he could get in to, if he wasn't careful.
In The Road To Character the author makes the point that we've got an epidemic of lonliness in a society that's superficially connected. I love writing letters to people on emails as well. Recently, I received an email from my gGrandma Baugh and she said in it that she loves notes or emails but there's nothing better than a face to face. I agree my Grandma, in a world that spends billions of dollars on communication, i tend to forget sometimes the importance of a face to face.

Snicker on

My sister, who I call, Amers found a winner book for me called, "The day my butt went psycho."  She was so serious that she almost checked it out for me.

I wore the BAZINGA shirt that my twin bro. got for me for Christmas a few years back to Neuroworx & tell my therapists about how my Colester wants me ro wear my "Robin" shirt all the time. He has a Robin costume and gets assigned this role from Batman, his older bro. Maxwell. Cole-Cole is excited to share with me his side-kick status. I'm happy to have any status with him. As the stay at home parent I'm the last pick for anything. When I explained this to Kate who is one of my therapists at Neuroworx, she laughed and said, "Curtis your life is like a TV show."My question is, is that a good thing? 

Telling my Ameers about asking Lex if it was beneath me to go back to work as a teacher's eaid at Horizon, my kiddos elementary school. She laugh and said, "You asked a teacher if if it was beneath you to be a teacher's aide?"  I finally see how dumb that is.Ahh, my TBI moments are atleast entertaining, to me.

Walking into Sunday school class and telling them to hold their applause, please. I figured that I better practice what I preach, so walking in church serves to hold me to becoming all that I'm willing to put in the effort to become.One step at a time.

I love my excursions with my Amers to take Colester and Jammin Jay to preschool three days a week. I think that I've written  about how I feel like a dog that gets to go on a ride in the car, with tail-wagging and running around in circles with excitment to get to go with her. It helps that she has an insacitable appetite for Slurpees and will use me as an excuse to get one.I'll take one for the team my Amers. We usually get back with a story to tell. from a Drivethru adventure trying to make my kiddos and her two happy by going to multiple fastfood places and then nobody ended up happy?! To after they drop me off at home, Emery, Amers youngest telling her, "I love Kirk!"

I put a cheeseburger in my pocket to take it inside with me, so that I could hold on to my cane.I am attempting to walk more without it in my home, which has opened up a whole new world of possibilities for me, like being able to vacum, taking my plate to the sink and getting anything out of the frige. small things but CHAMPION milestones for me.

One of my regular excursions during the school year with my Amers was story time at the Murray Library on Fridays before we dropped of Cole and Jaylee to preschool. One Friday, a librarian told  me as I sat down in the back with the kids lisrening to storytime  that it was storytime for children. I think she thought that I was lost, since I did come into the library by myself because the kiddos rush in with Amy.

Almost blowing away on my way into story time on another Friday. I kept thinking that if I fell, my Amers would never take me anywhere with her ever again. we both had a good laugh when it was still windy enough to get me scared when we left that I was chanting to myself,You're going to make it back to the car safely, you're almost there, just a few more steps! My Amers did make me feel better when she came and walked with me saying, that it wouldn't be so bad if it was just constant, but it keeps changing so that even she got thrown off balance.

I tutored Bishop Watkins every Wednesday in Spanish during the school year. He  texted me that, "there's a light at the end of the tunnel.  . . .It's not a train." I did tell him that I was going to start using this now.

Colman wore a costume to preschool, I made the mistake of letting him do it once on his Birthday, since we were having a ninja themed B-day party, he went as a ninja. I did make him promise not to hit or kick anyone while he had it on.Now, he wakes up wanting to go in a dress-up every day. We do have more boy dressups in our home than girl ones. Lex reminds me that we do have two boys to our one girl.

Breaking my hurrycane using it as a light-saber. I called their customer service and the operator laughed, telling me that in all his years working there, this was a first. After telling me that they would send me a replacement, since it was under warentee, I said thank you and may the force be with you.

Looking into buying a $40,000 walkin tub. I saw an infomercial on premierebath & called them. Their salesman came & stayed until 10pm on a schoolnight.I had to call and tell them that this wasn't going to work, ever.

My Amers buying me a huge, refilable slurpee mug for Christmas. We justify our Slurpee run Mondays and sometime, Wednesday and Fridays by blaming it on a service for the other person or even at times for Emery.

Telling Coleman that it was Aunty Em's Birthday all day. Right before dinner, he says, "we must have cake! Followed quickly by, "How do we even make cake?"

I had the thought as I was doing the dishes one morning, It wasn't me it was the one-armed-man, wait, that's me! Another TBI funny moment that is, at the very least, entertaining for me.

My friend Joe Fernandez's comic routine about Mormons. I told him that he needs to write a book like Jim Gaffagin's book, Dad Is Fat. A preview of some of the chuckles: We always pray for people to come to church next week, for those who weren't able to make it today. Never mind the principle of agency. They have to come because we prayed for them to. We also always pray for the cup-cakes or brownies at any activity will nourish and strengthen our bodies. Really?! We are so well programed.

What does a storm trooper say? Max saying, "deactivate your weapon!"

Kennedy, my oldest bro's oldest looked at pictures of Neal when he was younger, that are  at Mommsy & Pa's and says, "Dad looked different with hair!" I take the lead and text his wife Shannon, What was it that you saw in Neal? Other than his good looks and CHAMPION hair? He's a changed man as a husband and father, all good things.

Coleman putting himself to bed because he was sick. You know this one reslly is sick when he does that.

Greg, my brother inlaw planted a tupae as a present for Shafe, my father law at Christmas.

Of course I'm OCD, most brillant people are

I teach the 14 to 18 year olds in Sunday School in my watd. At the end of one of my lessons, pne of the girls said, "we're late for our other class, not that we're learning anything here."

Getting dropped off by Amers after dropping coleman and Jaylee off for preschool and feeling like I was getting dropped off from a date while she waits in the car to make sure that I get in alright.

Get to therapy after missing a week to tell Kate that I wasn't CHAMPION because my kiddos were sick. She reponds with, you really weren't CHAMPION?! Go tell Jan!

Playing with Abby

Pa borrowing our lawnmower and me forgetting that he did. Lexy's dad and brother come to put up Christmas lights and ask us where it is. Lex and I thinking that it had to be stolen
"A series of unfortunate events that happend all at once" -Rocket Man
Coleman getting into trouble and putting ice down my back so thst I would laugh & forget that he's in trouble.
thinking that I won 500,000 dollars from gmail. I was so excited, but Lex read my winning email only to tell me that there were many gramatical errors.

Being cold and wanting to start a fire in our fire place. Lex having the rule of no fires unless she's home, for my own safetey.

Jen telling me that I look less crazy without my prisim sticker on my glasses
Me sobbing at the Sound of Music musical put on at Murray High. Poor Lex, she can't take me any where.

Another look at perfectionism

“Self-critism is self betrayal”-Candeo

I read an article in the Nov. 2005 Ensign titled, ‘Confessions of a perfectionist’ and found far too many parallels in wanting my own family to be “Robots.”. I also found this quote from President John Taylor, “Let us seek to magnify our callings and honor our God, and the Lord will take care of the balance.”   The manual also quotes Elder Worthlin, “We don’t have to be perfect today. We don’t have to be better than someone else. All we have to do is to be the very best we can( Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “One Step after Another,” Ensign, Nov. 2001, 26.).”

I have much to learn of the atonement in general, but am only beginning to understand the concept behind the enabling power that it provides to me as I surrender my pride and lay my burdens at my Savior’s feet for Him to carry.

For this past Christmas my in-laws gave every married couple a book, we got  “Am I A Saint Yet?” It is all about overcoming perfectionism. I love this book and am excited about the validation that I feel in not being alone in becoming a “recovering perfectionist.” I am hopeful, anyway. The book is a user-friendly, self-help book that offers realistic strategies. Before the strategies the doctrinal background is given to help differentiate between the desire to improve(a worth-while desire) and perfectionist tendencies (a progress halting counterfeit for a worth-while desire to change and progress.).

Teaching Maxwell to Read

I fell into the trap of thinking that he would just fit into the Abby mold and pick it up like she did, naturally, as a Psych degree holder you would think that I would've known better than that. Big surprise that Maxwell didn't fit the Abby learning how to read mold. He didn't want to even attempt to, which scared me, but I'm a worrier. I love being able to be in my kiddos' classrooms and being involved in that way in their education.Being in his classroom I've learned techniques to use with him at home, like: echo read, word groups, listening to books. It's CHAMPION to be on the same page with his teacher.
One week that I was in his classroom, I saw Max reading Captain Underpants to his friends. His excitement was contagious. 
We've found that Maxwell will put in the effort to read these books: Captain Underpants,  Comic books, & STARWARS. It's a start.I do remember that when I was doing literacy workshops for KUED for parents the information said to let them pick what they would read.
He's catching on, even reading everything while in the car. It's been quite the process, but worth it.
When we are at church we bring a churchbag with some paper and crayons to help entertain the kiddos. A few months ago, Max showed me what he'd been working on, he wrote a  Halloween book about the costumes. He was very proud to show me the illustrations.We took it to family dinner, where Amber Shaffer, Lex's sister-in-law commented that he may be a writer,  instead of a reader. I'm happy that he could be both now.
 He's constantly looking  for shortcuts to be able to crack the code.Not wanting to follow rules or to work too hard.
it takes time. I kept telling him, but really was reminding myself this fact.
I got him STARWARS phonics books at the library. I was so excited that one Saturday morning instead of sitting in front of the TV, he brought the books to me and asked me if he could read them with me. I almost cried with joy.He wants to read fast, getting ahead of himself. A CHAMPION  problem to have. 

I was looking on GROUPON, a weakness of mine. I've had to learn to check with Lex before I buy anything.I saw and didn't buy, I'm proud to say, a pack of Tshirts, one of them said, "World's Okayest DAD." After this learning curve with my Maxwell I felt that I could've gotten away with someday owning one. One of my lines that I always tell people about my kiddos is, they're a lot of work, but worth it.

My 2015 New Year's Goals Review:

I cannot remember where I heard it, I think that it might have been on a Dr. Oz episode, but was appalled when I found that by the end of February, a mere two months into the new year, that most people have forgotten and, or given up their New Year’s resolutions. This is my attempt to keep mine alive.

My wheelchair free year isn’t as free as it could be, but it’s a step in the right direction, freer than 2014. I’ve used it at the school on Tuesdays, but did walk during their jump-a-thon and at church for the past two weeks. One day out of seven isn't to shabby.On President’s day Lex used her day off to help me get it repaired; with a new axel, a casualty of our Disneyland trip with new tires and bearings too. When I had Cole-Cole home sick with me the other day we went to feed the ducks at the parkway near our house and it felt like s new chair.

Getting back to the temple, have you ever felt close, yet so far away from something at the same time? As a “recovering perfectionist” a term I get from the book, Am I a Saint Yet? I understand that I’m a work in progress. I will get there and am excited for the desire of my heart to be evident in my life.

I told my Pa that I need to schedule a time with him to come and spot me while I walk over to his home sometime this year. He smiled and said, Sometime this year? Sometime this month! He then told me that I could just walk home with him an my kiddos from church on Sunday, but after walking in church and teaching a Sunday School lesson every other week to the youth, I'm mentally not up for the marathon quite yet.

I added the goal of using George, my left hand, more, specifically to turn on and off light switches. Lex laughed at/with me a few weeks ago as she watched me attempt to do this, but kept turning the light back on right after I’d turned it off. Frustrating and rewarding. At times I’ll forget after reaching with my right hand, only to notice that the light is already on or off. I’ll flip it back to what it was before my overly anxious right hand beat George to it and do it again with my left hand.
I remembered the other goal that I had was to start to do presentation on distracted driving. I've been given permission to use the video that was done as a PR promotional piece, so please contact me if there are any takers. I still believe that if there is anything good that can come from the accident. I want to make it happen.

What I Wanted to Say in My Story Video

Peta, the author who read my blog and contacted me to do the video piece for her exhibit on distracted driving, Exit By Text sent me a list of questions that she wanted me to answer on the video. I wrote them down, but they didn't come across completely, but I am a recovering perfectionist.She emailed me and underlined here are those responses that I attempted to convey.

Some of the questions I’d like to ask you in the interview (I won’t be on the video, just you) include the following:

1. ·         What lead up to the accident?

•  it was a normal Sunday

1. What do you remember from it or know about it?
2. My first memory of after the accident or bump as we call itbwith my kiddos is my mom stranding over me making vowel sounds.
3. What were you doing in your life at the time prior to the accident?
   I was fiercely independent,  living 100 miles a minute: with full time school, a full time job, training for half marathons
4. How has it altered your perspective on life, being a dad…?

• My kids saved & save me, not the other way around. Watching Abby wake up one morning, getting Maxwell out of bed now.

1. ·         If you met the young woman who ran into you today, what would you say to her?

• It's not your fault, I don't blame you. Live & learn from the past, don't let it hold you hostage.From A Touch of Wonder, change if only to next time. From a thought by pres. Monson,

1. ·         You could be bitter, why aren’t you?

• It's not noble, it's selfish,  I have enough on my plate as it isx being bitter could send me over the edge of depression

1. ·         How did the accident affect your body and brain?

• Humor me, i'm a Psych undergraduate B.S. Degree holder from the U of U. My right side of the brain was damagedx so my left side of my body is effected with paralysis, i've been told that I present like a person who has had a stroke, with the accompanying effect of left side neglect. Meet George & Bob
• My progress in rehabilitation is how Dale Hull, the founder of Neuroworx put it, glacerly slow. Others see the big chunks fall off, but I feel every inch of grauting progress forwaed.

·         How do you explain to your children what dad can and cannot do?

• Focus on what I can do, i'm not in a hospital bed or gone all day at work or school

1. ·         Tell me why you respond “CHAMPION” when people ask you how you are doing?

• Over 10 years ago Brother Grossen, one of my LDS seminary teachers in High school taught a lesson asking us why if we knew what we know we didn't respond with CHAMPION when we're asked how we're doing. I'm just now catching on. I want my   Kids to know that they can do hard things

Relearning to Walk Insights

Working on breaking bad habits, unlearning them with Matt Carter, my fellow Brain Injury friend and therapist at Neuroworx. It's more effective to patiently learn things correctly and not just to get by, than to have to unlearn things and have to learn the better way any ways.
Faith walking and stepping:

 weight shift onto "Bob(my kiddos named my left leg this)"

 for a "longer step with your right, Curtis!" The voice in my head from Neuroworx,  or my Pa, and any friend or family member who aspires to be my therapist(you're all so hopeful & helpful)

My relazation that when I look in a mirror and see myself leaning to the right and it feels like I'm balanced, to trust what I see and not what I  feel? Isn't this the opposite of living by/ walking by faith?

Walking to actually get some where. With the longer step with my right leg(Abby's named him, because he's obviously a boy, Ralph and not pausing after each step to reset my balance.
Starting point of pointing my feet in the right direction.

Turning off the lights at night with George and losing equilibrium because then I further handicap myself, without being able to see as well as being hemiparalized.

Get up in the morning to use the bathroom, the joys of getting old, growing up is so oveatted. I won't use my cane .This started me having the confidence to walk inside my house without it, that and talking with my Grandpa Morgan about how he doesn't use his at his home. Thanks for your example Grandpa.

Walking:

1. It doesn't just happen, just like anything else worthwhile, it takes hard work and persistance.
2. Process of moving from one stage to another.

• Step by step

1. Desire
2. Effort
3. Consistancy
4. My confidence has to wax strong

Paradigm shift:
Who knew that it was all a mental battle? (Lex knows that everything is one to me.)

• • from I cannot
  • to there's a possibility.
  • I don't want to
  • This is hard
  • I'm scared
  • I finally want to.
  • i'm going to try and even if I fail, I'll be better off than before,
  • to look what I can do! And what's next? 
  • My thespist Mikey told me that I was doing, "better" with the exercise of getting of the floor in case I fall at home. He then asked me to do it two more times. He said, "why stop at better when you are able to get to "best?"
  • My evolution better to best:

1. 1. 1. No wheelchair on Saturdays when we lived in West Jordan
      2. No wheelchair in new house
      3. No cane  bouts"
      4. Cane-fee home
      5. Unassisted step in my livinroom and steps with cane instead of someone's shoulder out in the real world
      6. Next step: Walking to my parent's

Environmental Psychology

was the name of one of the classes that I took up at the U of U for my BS degree. I remember that before I decided to drop the class, it conflicted with another one that I wanted to take, I went to a few lectures that were about how city planners, civic engineers and architects used shapes, Geometry and light to influence the feeling of a place.
One of mine and Lexy's friends heard about me being trapped at home and unable to drive myself, so she volunteered to come to my home once a week and bring her kids to play with mine and give me some adult conversation. Antoinette did this, she said because she had been on bed-rest for a few weeks and understood what it was like.
It was CHAMPION to have her over and I love the perspective she has on life. she is one of those positive people that enters a room and you feel of their energy, speaking of environmental psychology.
I would frantically attempt to clean up for her once a week visit. I told this to her and made a joke about how you need a room in your house that is kept clean for the Home and Visiting Teachers to come and sit down in once a month. Sh gave me a courtiousy laugh and told me that she tries to keep things clean because she noticed that she was less stressed in a clean environment.  Once again someone else is better able to put into words something that I have always felt, but didn't know exactly how to say it.

My story video

Exit By Texts did this video of me so that I can be a public speaker to compliment the exhibit. Here is the link:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_BXm8fLkKQ