Face it

I started a new book, Tuesdays with Morrie, and besides being surprised that I haven't heard of this book before now am equally surprised at how much I am enjoying it and all the life lessons that it parallels in my own life. I am not dying and grateful for that fact. I did choose to come back to this life, a fact that I remind myself continually as I face life's daily challenges. Morrie talks about the need to fully immerse yourself in your feelings so that you can own them and then detach yourself if that is what you choose to do. Confusing? Let's review, You feel something, like fear. You do not want to be afraid, so your instinct is to fight it or avoid it, but Morrie's approach is to feel it completely so that you first know what it is, being self-aware in Candeo/psych terms. and then you are able to 'replace it' - another Candeo term, or as Morrie calls it detach yourself and choose something else.
I face the fact that there are consequences to my TBI;

• My reality is not real, confusing again- I get that a lot- I cannot see everything and have a prism sticker on my glasses to help me not run into walls, something I struggle with although they have already been patched once by Lex and her parents.I want to be able to drive again, so to make lex's life easier, but feel mad that I am not there yet, because of this vision cut and not compensating enough, as well as still getting sick to my stomach to even think of the possibility
• I am off balance, my center of gravity is over my right side as my brain does not recognize my left side. This makes life safer to be in a wheelchair. I long to be free of this restraint, but am also afraid of the comfort that the safety of not falling offers to me. Morrie would call this a "tension of opposites.".Life is full of them.
• I want to fulfill the role of provider and am mad that I am not in that role right now in my life.I get anxious and am afraid of losing my sense of masculinity, never mind that Lex owns and uses all our power tools at home and at work. Not saying that she isn't feminine.She is just a problem solver and power tools help you solve more problems.