Connect the dots

One of my Sunday school teachers, Mike Mckay, first introduced me to the concept of stream of consciousness (the one-by-one steps of a thought process) by playing a game in which he gave us two unrelated topics and had us try to connect them and bring it back full circle. He was amazing at it and wowed us by picking up where we would get stuck. I find myself entertaining myself by doing this silently throughout the day. Geeky, I know; but also extremely satisfying for me as a TBI patient.

This game leaks over into all areas of my life as I am mentally making connections (with the books I read, people I talk to, mundane Mr. Mom moments, and even what I watch on TV) all day long. I have to remind myself that, thankfully, not everyone sees the world the same way I do, that the obvious connections from my point of view are only that because they are uniquely mine. Another great "ah-ha" moment for me, the narcissist in recovery. My most recent find has come by a recommendation by my Bishop: the online candeo behavior change program. I am loving it, but I am a Psychology geek. Step one: out of denial, CHECK. Step two: (my connection) Everyone has problems, but everyone has hope.

Maxwell brought home a connect-the-dot duck for homework today. I chuckled at the coincidence and the thought of me at one point in my occupational therapy doing connect-the-dots and missing the left side of the picture. I would often get to number 43, but could not find 44 because it was in my vision cut. Because I could not see the next step, I would move on to the number I could find. This usually resulted in a some sort of decapitated cartoon animal or a man with one leg. Obviously, missing the necessary steps didn't get the desired result. I have been repeating another one of my Pa's sayings, "49 to 50." I did that today after therapy and he responded that it was time to be at 50 and now go to 51. Connection: Sometimes I get frustrated and depressed at being at only step 49 and knowing how far I need to still go. Sometimes moving only one dot at a time feels like I'm not moving at all and I want to skip ahead and finish the pictures. But skipping necessary, though frustrating, steps will only end in a metaphorically decapitated  result.