Fudge review

I've been meaning to gather some photos from our family blog to help me develop my Exit By Text presentations, but discovered that I didn't have access to it because I no longer have my KUED email. I came across a lot and had to take a break from it. I'm not sure that I'm ready emotionally to deal with all of it. I did come across the astounding strength of my wife Lexy. I love her and am grateful for her talent of love. It's healing me in so many ways. This is a post from her, 12 days after the accident:

Thursday 12th- Letter

Dear Curtis,

Today was a day of sitting and waiting and wondering. I held your hand and watched you trying so hard to tell me things through the one hand that is working. I had to turn away as I cried and hurt when I could not understand. As the sedation lessens and pain medications change, I watched you hurt and I watched you sleep and I watched you turn red with frustration. I watched your eyes sometimes be able to watch me and I felt you squeeze my hand so tight when you were in pain. I asked you not to be angry with me standing by while you worked so hard.

Today I talked about the things you said to me just 12 days ago. And sometimes, when I watched you open your eyes form those sedation-induced sleeps, I almost half expected you to say good morning, grab my hand, and walk right out of that room with me. I picked out new glasses that I hope you will like when you see them-- a late birthday present you meant to give me months ago but I never got around to ordering with you.

Today I want you to know that I love you. I love you, I love you. There are no other words, and yet they sound so trite. But I love you and would follow you off the edge of the world if I could be with you forever. I wish I could take this from you.

Today you signed "I love you" to me and my heart nearly fell on the floor. I wish you never had to suffer ever ever again. I think you've had enough.

Get better. Please get better.

Love always,
Lex

Neuroworx is CHAMPION

I love this place and am grateful for the hope that I continue to find here. I started in 2011 because of a referral from my sister-in-law and bother Kevin. I went three times a week.I started in their amazing aquatics therapy program and then graduated to land therapy and the Locomat.Check it out here. I feel like a celebrity knowing both Matt Carter and Dale Hull, two of the most CHAMPION people I've ever met. Jan still scares me a little. She has a sign at Neuroworx that should be bronzed in their new facility that reads:Beware Jan's on duty with a handicap symbol. Don't let my fear go to your head Jan. I currentlt go once a week, my therapy Thursday's with my Pa Baugh and am on a rotating schedule with the clinicians. My kind of CHAMPIONESS has yo be shared. Something about share the love and only take in doses, not all at once.

What am I Worth?

I hope it’s more than my ability to hunt and peck type here. Is worth defined only by what we do?  I am working on being worthy enough to return to the temple, one of my new year’s goals. I just got back from volunteering in my Maxwell’s first grade classroom. I feel that our teachers are worth so much more than what they get paid, never mind that Lexy is a teacher. After my once a week, 4 hrs in the morning time in my kiddos’ classrooms, I text my sister Lacer and praise her for her work as an elementary teacher and then I take a nap because I am exhausted.

My Grandma Baugh and I love exchanging books, magazine articles, devotional thoughts, letters and emails. Recently we shared our concerns that we have in our individual spiritual progress. When I think of celestial material I think of her.  Here is one of the things that she's sent to me from Music and the Spoken Word :
                                            “Try Your Best”

No one ever does everything perfectly right all the time. Each of us makes mistakes and falls short

of perfection. That’s life, and that’s OK.

Broadway musical star Idina Menzel shared how she came to this realization. Recently, she wrote:

“There are about 3 million notes in a two-and-a-half-hour musical; being a perfectionist, it took me a

long time to realize that if I’m hitting 75 percent of them, I’m succeeding. . . . I am more than the

notes I hit, and that’s how I try to approach my life. You can’t get it all right all the time, but you can

try your best. If you’ve done that, all that’s left is to accept your shortcomings and have the courage

to try to overcome them.”1

It’s not that lofty goals, big plans, and high expectations are bad. We grow by stretching, by

courageously striving to achieve more than we previously thought possible. But growth also

requires patience and perspective. Sometimes we give up on ourselves too early, we start to define

ourselves by our mistakes, or we expect perfection and are therefore forever disappointed. When

this happens, we may need to ease up and simplify our lives.

For an overwhelmed college student, that meant lightening her schedule and her expectations a bit.

For a busy mother, it meant deciding to go a little easier on herself and her children. For all of us, it

can mean that we simply do our best - not someone else’s best.

We are all far more than the notes we hit - or fail to hit. Perhaps we should define ourselves not by

what we are today but by what we can be, by what we aspire to be. Wherever those aspirations are

leading us, let us accept that success can happen over time, little by little. With this perspective, our

mistakes and shortcomings can teach us instead of condemn us. In reality, this is what it means to

do our best.
Thank you my Grandma Baugh you are the BEST.

BE A CHAMPION neighbor, like mine, Kermit Mckay

He is my best friend's father. He was always in scouting with us growing up. Janet, his wife taught us piano. in fact my first thought when we moved next door was, now my kiddos will have the same piano teacher as I did. Unfortunately she does not teach anymore.
He was excited for us to be neighbors and his house has the same floor plan as us. He takes care of us by cutting and watering our lawn, putting out our garbage cans. Set up our springling system
A few months ago, I ran into him at church and he mentioned to me that he had experienced a panic attack, so he decided to fix our mailbox for us. I want to be like him, when I get scared, I want to be the kind of person who thinks of others and looks for an opportunity to serve them. He mentioned that his health hasn't always been good, but that he has been able to deal with everything, but was scared of these new mental symptoms of aging. I told him that if he ever needed someone to chat with, that he's welcome to stop by anytime. He smiled, thanked me and told me that he didn't know how I do it.
Just this week I ran into Janet fertilizing her front lawn, she was laughing and said, look what Kerm has me doing, Curtis! I smiled and took a better look at Kerm, who had his right arm in a sling. He told me that he fell in January. The next day he ran an errand for me and was over taking a look at my doorbell to fix it. He got emotional when he told me that the worst part of being injured was that he couldn't help me. He then told me how grateful he is for the health that he does have. Again, he looked at me and mentioned how he admired me.

Media fast

That's my excuse for not writing on here for a while. I was asked by my companion from Chile why I didn't have a Facebook account. I laughed and told him that I have a life with three kiddos. I get sucked in all to easily, but I have a TBI excuse for that one too.
So, if you are feeling media strained, take a break from the digitization. Life does go on without it. I am reading a book titled Improvised that was written by a friend in High school. She is a dance and takes a dancer view at the self-help industry. It is a refreshing take. Robin Koni you continue to amaze me. Thank you for your insight.
I was excited for this past General Conference, so much so that I woke up on Saturday at a quarter to 5. It was just like Christmas. I was grateful for the messages that were shared and the opportunity I have to study them more, I downloaded them onto my phone the Thursday after. Who would've dreamed that that would be possible?
Maxwell asked me for a gaming system this morning. I told him when he had enough money to buy one, he's welcome to get one. Not to be dismayed by me, he asked me what I had growing up? When I came up with things like Sega and Gameboy, he asked, what about a Wii? I feel old.
I watch BYUTV, because it is safe and I am old. I saw a BYU Devotional by Ryan Holmes about media. Check it out.

My President Pa Baugh

"You don't think that will go to his head?!" was what my younger brother, Kevin said when my Pa was made a member of our Stake Presidency. I love my Pa and we had a good laugh at his expence.  He gave me a tearful hug at the end of the meeting. I asked him if I needed to repent for giving such a hard time or if I need to give him a worse time now? He smiled at me and replied with tears still in his eyes, but smiling, that I better give him a worse time. You see, my Pa did not and doesn't aspire to be a leader, but he does love people and loves to teach them. I love his example.

Latest and greatest from my Colester

So, I am a big tease, that's how I get my kiddos to do things and it saves my sanity.I get this"Are you serious?" look from them when ever I talk to them. They also take a reassuring look to Lex if I am persistent.
I realized that I could've crossed a line and may have to find a different way to motivate my Cole-Cole, when I was teasing him that he couldn't pick anything up because he is just my little baby. He looked up at me and said,"At least I can walk!" My first thought was, I'm in trouble if my four year old is already able to exploit my insecurities. I'm a dead man when/if he get to be a teenager.
Lex helps me calm down after an episode such as this. She reminds me that, he isn't attacking me or my disability. He is simply stating a fact, that baby's cannot walk, but he can.

The smart phone that made us dumber.

Think about it, how many phone numbers do you know? What about addresses?  Or emails? Or B-days? if it isn't programed in your phone would you remember them? Don't get me wrong, I love technology. I remember when I got home from my mission, shockingly it has been over ten years ago, I told Matt that it was going to be my first investment and I should've invested in a cellular company, instead of just buying one, and now i'm not sure where I'd be without it. Mine has been a bit tempermental since I dropped it in the toilet by accident last winter,  talk about a baptism by fire. Every now and the I have to reset it to keep it working right. Kind of like what I have to do with my mind now and reset with a new activity if I cannot do something right away, instead of getting frustrated and just giving up or take a nap or go to bed depending on the time of day.
But, it's all how you choose to use it. I remember a sacrament meeting talk  given by my elders quorum president, president Bevan. He stated that he liked to check the news before he went to bed and thought of how convenient it was to do this on his phone, but realized how much potential trouble he could get in to, if he wasn't careful.
In The Road To Character the author makes the point that we've got an epidemic of lonliness in a society that's superficially connected. I love writing letters to people on emails as well. Recently, I received an email from my gGrandma Baugh and she said in it that she loves notes or emails but there's nothing better than a face to face. I agree my Grandma, in a world that spends billions of dollars on communication, i tend to forget sometimes the importance of a face to face.

Snicker on

My sister, who I call, Amers found a winner book for me called, "The day my butt went psycho."  She was so serious that she almost checked it out for me.

I wore the BAZINGA shirt that my twin bro. got for me for Christmas a few years back to Neuroworx & tell my therapists about how my Colester wants me ro wear my "Robin" shirt all the time. He has a Robin costume and gets assigned this role from Batman, his older bro. Maxwell. Cole-Cole is excited to share with me his side-kick status. I'm happy to have any status with him. As the stay at home parent I'm the last pick for anything. When I explained this to Kate who is one of my therapists at Neuroworx, she laughed and said, "Curtis your life is like a TV show."My question is, is that a good thing? 

Telling my Ameers about asking Lex if it was beneath me to go back to work as a teacher's eaid at Horizon, my kiddos elementary school. She laugh and said, "You asked a teacher if if it was beneath you to be a teacher's aide?"  I finally see how dumb that is.Ahh, my TBI moments are atleast entertaining, to me.

Walking into Sunday school class and telling them to hold their applause, please. I figured that I better practice what I preach, so walking in church serves to hold me to becoming all that I'm willing to put in the effort to become.One step at a time.

I love my excursions with my Amers to take Colester and Jammin Jay to preschool three days a week. I think that I've written  about how I feel like a dog that gets to go on a ride in the car, with tail-wagging and running around in circles with excitment to get to go with her. It helps that she has an insacitable appetite for Slurpees and will use me as an excuse to get one.I'll take one for the team my Amers. We usually get back with a story to tell. from a Drivethru adventure trying to make my kiddos and her two happy by going to multiple fastfood places and then nobody ended up happy?! To after they drop me off at home, Emery, Amers youngest telling her, "I love Kirk!"

I put a cheeseburger in my pocket to take it inside with me, so that I could hold on to my cane.I am attempting to walk more without it in my home, which has opened up a whole new world of possibilities for me, like being able to vacum, taking my plate to the sink and getting anything out of the frige. small things but CHAMPION milestones for me.

One of my regular excursions during the school year with my Amers was story time at the Murray Library on Fridays before we dropped of Cole and Jaylee to preschool. One Friday, a librarian told  me as I sat down in the back with the kids lisrening to storytime  that it was storytime for children. I think she thought that I was lost, since I did come into the library by myself because the kiddos rush in with Amy.

Almost blowing away on my way into story time on another Friday. I kept thinking that if I fell, my Amers would never take me anywhere with her ever again. we both had a good laugh when it was still windy enough to get me scared when we left that I was chanting to myself,You're going to make it back to the car safely, you're almost there, just a few more steps! My Amers did make me feel better when she came and walked with me saying, that it wouldn't be so bad if it was just constant, but it keeps changing so that even she got thrown off balance.

I tutored Bishop Watkins every Wednesday in Spanish during the school year. He  texted me that, "there's a light at the end of the tunnel.  . . .It's not a train." I did tell him that I was going to start using this now.

Colman wore a costume to preschool, I made the mistake of letting him do it once on his Birthday, since we were having a ninja themed B-day party, he went as a ninja. I did make him promise not to hit or kick anyone while he had it on.Now, he wakes up wanting to go in a dress-up every day. We do have more boy dressups in our home than girl ones. Lex reminds me that we do have two boys to our one girl.

Breaking my hurrycane using it as a light-saber. I called their customer service and the operator laughed, telling me that in all his years working there, this was a first. After telling me that they would send me a replacement, since it was under warentee, I said thank you and may the force be with you.

Looking into buying a $40,000 walkin tub. I saw an infomercial on premierebath & called them. Their salesman came & stayed until 10pm on a schoolnight.I had to call and tell them that this wasn't going to work, ever.

My Amers buying me a huge, refilable slurpee mug for Christmas. We justify our Slurpee run Mondays and sometime, Wednesday and Fridays by blaming it on a service for the other person or even at times for Emery.

Telling Coleman that it was Aunty Em's Birthday all day. Right before dinner, he says, "we must have cake! Followed quickly by, "How do we even make cake?"

I had the thought as I was doing the dishes one morning, It wasn't me it was the one-armed-man, wait, that's me! Another TBI funny moment that is, at the very least, entertaining for me.

My friend Joe Fernandez's comic routine about Mormons. I told him that he needs to write a book like Jim Gaffagin's book, Dad Is Fat. A preview of some of the chuckles: We always pray for people to come to church next week, for those who weren't able to make it today. Never mind the principle of agency. They have to come because we prayed for them to. We also always pray for the cup-cakes or brownies at any activity will nourish and strengthen our bodies. Really?! We are so well programed.

What does a storm trooper say? Max saying, "deactivate your weapon!"

Kennedy, my oldest bro's oldest looked at pictures of Neal when he was younger, that are  at Mommsy & Pa's and says, "Dad looked different with hair!" I take the lead and text his wife Shannon, What was it that you saw in Neal? Other than his good looks and CHAMPION hair? He's a changed man as a husband and father, all good things.

Coleman putting himself to bed because he was sick. You know this one reslly is sick when he does that.

Greg, my brother inlaw planted a tupae as a present for Shafe, my father law at Christmas.

Of course I'm OCD, most brillant people are

I teach the 14 to 18 year olds in Sunday School in my watd. At the end of one of my lessons, pne of the girls said, "we're late for our other class, not that we're learning anything here."

Getting dropped off by Amers after dropping coleman and Jaylee off for preschool and feeling like I was getting dropped off from a date while she waits in the car to make sure that I get in alright.

Get to therapy after missing a week to tell Kate that I wasn't CHAMPION because my kiddos were sick. She reponds with, you really weren't CHAMPION?! Go tell Jan!

Playing with Abby

Pa borrowing our lawnmower and me forgetting that he did. Lexy's dad and brother come to put up Christmas lights and ask us where it is. Lex and I thinking that it had to be stolen
"A series of unfortunate events that happend all at once" -Rocket Man
Coleman getting into trouble and putting ice down my back so thst I would laugh & forget that he's in trouble.
thinking that I won 500,000 dollars from gmail. I was so excited, but Lex read my winning email only to tell me that there were many gramatical errors.

Being cold and wanting to start a fire in our fire place. Lex having the rule of no fires unless she's home, for my own safetey.

Jen telling me that I look less crazy without my prisim sticker on my glasses
Me sobbing at the Sound of Music musical put on at Murray High. Poor Lex, she can't take me any where.

Another look at perfectionism

“Self-critism is self betrayal”-Candeo

I read an article in the Nov. 2005 Ensign titled, ‘Confessions of a perfectionist’ and found far too many parallels in wanting my own family to be “Robots.”. I also found this quote from President John Taylor, “Let us seek to magnify our callings and honor our God, and the Lord will take care of the balance.”   The manual also quotes Elder Worthlin, “We don’t have to be perfect today. We don’t have to be better than someone else. All we have to do is to be the very best we can( Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “One Step after Another,” Ensign, Nov. 2001, 26.).”

I have much to learn of the atonement in general, but am only beginning to understand the concept behind the enabling power that it provides to me as I surrender my pride and lay my burdens at my Savior’s feet for Him to carry.

For this past Christmas my in-laws gave every married couple a book, we got  “Am I A Saint Yet?” It is all about overcoming perfectionism. I love this book and am excited about the validation that I feel in not being alone in becoming a “recovering perfectionist.” I am hopeful, anyway. The book is a user-friendly, self-help book that offers realistic strategies. Before the strategies the doctrinal background is given to help differentiate between the desire to improve(a worth-while desire) and perfectionist tendencies (a progress halting counterfeit for a worth-while desire to change and progress.).