Choice

It is what the war in heaven was fought over.Lex came home from one of her training days at Paradigm High school and told me about a comment that Dave,another mentor made about how "there are really only two powers in the world: force and obedience, not forced obedience, but obedience out of love." She said, It made sense and made me think about how we are the only creation of our Heavenly Fathers that are still figuring out that it is in our best interest to choose to align our will to His. You are one smart cookie Babe and work with some fine thinkers too.
I have two choices as we all do, "Get busy living or to get busy dieing."(Shawshank Redemption)Thank you Patrick Funk for helping me with the source of the quote. I choose last night to walk down the hall way upstairs without my cane, which meant that this morning I had to walk from my bedroom to the stairs without it. I was on a roll, so have been given my rolling wheelchair a break today. In A Thing of Wonder the author defines tragedy; "As not some sorrow that happens to us but what we miss."I am learning that the only thing holding me back is myself. I do not want fear to dictate the direction of my life. "We walk by faith not by sight"(Corinthians 5:7)It has been said, "Life is what you make of it." One of my PTs commented that I must get around pretty good at home. I hung my head down and said that I still used my wheelchair here because I was afraid to fall. You will be sick and tired until you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, that is when you do something. I am at that breaking point now in my life with Lex starting back at work and Abby and Max back in school at the end of this month. It will be me and my buddy Colester here.

DW

Lex told me the other day that I was a bit of a writing diva because I like to tinker with my posts up to the moment of publishing, but I also like to post everyday and am toying with the idea of syncing a automatic publishing time on my posts everyday. In my anguish over this dilemma ,Lex laughed at me and made the diva comment. I replied that I could be WD for short, but she replied that was too much of a mouthful. My come back is to be called DW, because I am backwards anyways.

Survival Mode

You know when all you can do to stay alive is those things that are absolutely necessary? When you are not sure about the weather tomorrow, or the retirement plan because you are concerned about taking your next breath. Welcome to survival mode, Lex bought a wall decoration with the phrase 'God and germs are everywhere so say your prayers and wash your hands.' Check, check, and then breath,
Jenn, my twin brother's wife made a wall decoration that says 'tell someone you love them because life is short, yell it to them in German because life is also terrifying. too true on both accounts.It has been nice, to say the least to have a summer with Lex home and being out of this extreme mode of survive, now with school starting again soon, it is back to this mode, but with only the Colster here with me all day. My money is on him surviving.
Which also means that I need to appologize that writing daily on here has fallen down the priority list. I love this, just not at the expense of missing out on my greatest calling in life and the reason that I am still around; to be a husband and father.

The right ?s

Matt Allred, A friend of mine in our neighborhood made the comment more than once in different lessons at church that he, “Likes to think about purpose, when it comes to Gospel questions” In C. S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters Screwtape, the more experienced devil writes to his nephew and inexperienced devil Wormwood, “Of a proposed course of action He(God) wants men, so far as I can see, to ask very simple questions; is it righteous? Is it prudent? Is it possible? ” he goes on to advise wormwood, “Now if we can keep men asking ‘Is it in accordance with general movement of our time? Is it progressive or reactionary? Is this the way History is going?’ they will neglect the relevant questions. ”
How often I find myself overcomplicating things, including the questions about life, when in reality things are simple.

Rough draft Life

Lex will accept back but not enter in a grade if her students have not made the corrections that she makes on their first, rough draft. She is a tough, real life grader.Her previous semester students come back and tell her how scared they were of her at first because of her reputation. She loves it and tells them that she likes it that way, so that she gets only those who really want to work in her classes.
My family is going through the last daughters on either side of the family getting married in September. I am excited for both of the and love them as the last spoiled, but not rotten queen bees that they are as their place in the fam. I keep reminding my sister Lacey that love is work; fun, exciting, and well worth it work, it is a verb and has to be done if you want to keep it that way.
We are not perfect people, at our last stake conference the Area Authority said in the Saturday, adult session, "that he never has talked to a woman that did not have grounds to divorce her husband." Everyone laughed and we were not prepared for him to finish with, "I have never met a man that did not have grounds to divorce his wife, marriage is work."
I am glad that even with all my mistakes and rough draft life,My wife and I are still working together. I love you my Lex.

not enough smirking/giggles

I wore my tie backwards at church today.Matt noticed and said,'you have a different tie today, it is on backwards?'Lex noticed when I got home and laugh when I told her about Matt.She asked me why he did not help me fix it. I laughed and told her that I was setting a new trend. She laughed and replied, yeah, you are cool enough to do it, now you better write about it on a blog post.
My Colester running through the sprinkles with his eyes closed and screaming with delight/cold water shock.
My Bishop and friend Nathan Hanson passing me on a walk around the block and saying,"Curtis I have been thinking about you all day , Melanie(his wife)has been with their oldest our day, (which left him at home with the other two) I am not tough enough to do this at home thing!"
Getting mail back with "Return to Sender" on it because my handwriting is so bad. Sorry my Amers, your note will be delayed some.
My Lacer calling to check on me and making my day by staying on the phone while she is trying to work an "Out of Order" car wash.Just know that it is the change machine and not you that is Out of Order, My CHAMPION of a sister!

Lex is now the family chauffeur among the other titles under her superhero name "Brilliancy," On one of her drops, swimming lessons three times a week for Max and Abby, she started grumbling about the "apparently not awake and with it drivers." Max smiled and said, "Mom, what is it? The zombie drivers?"

"Vader. . .

you must confront Vader, only then a JEDI will you be." (YODA, Return of the JEDI)Have I mentioned how distracted I am now post accident? This movie is on while I am typing this and thought that this was a better title and start on my adversity post. I am giggling(Manly giggles, of course) to myself at the dorkiness of this connection to me facing my refiners fire in life to Luke Skywalker having to face Darth Vader to become a JEDI. A friend of mine, Randy Booth laughed when I talked with him about my kids telling me that YODA and Obione's spirits help Luke, He said that he had many conversations with mission companions about the similarities in the Gospel and in STAR WARS.
I was asked two weeks ago by Sister Roach, the Gospel Doctrine Sunday School teacher in my ward to share my thoughts about adversity. I planned on taking and reading Elder James E. Faust's talk, bu when going over it with Lex, she stopped me and reminded me that sister Roach was asking me to share my experience not give a lesson.So, It is interesting to me how people see me in a wheelchair and think that this is my greatest trial or adversity that I have faced and this is hard,I do not have a broken arm and a broken leg on my left side. I have a TBI, the pathways are not there or have to be reconnected in order for my body to work. there are daily things that I have to do for this to happen. This has given me the blueprint that i need to overcome my spiritual, and greatest adversity. The daily things that I do or do not do build me into what I may only become thanks to my Heavenly Father's plan and my Savior's atonement.

Comparison

At the last Doctor's appointment that I had I mentioned to Dr. Speed that I really only had problems when I compared my life now to how it was before the accident. He was kind, yet direct in his response that it was not a fair comparison and will not help me to continue to do it. I know that the root of pride is this comparison that we usually use against yourself and others. It never occurred to me that we could use it Just comparing myself in different times in my life, but I am also finding that it will be as equally as damaging,unproductive, and damning; limiting my progress now.
It is something that I like to call the fungshway of satan. He will use your momentum, no matter the direction and use it against you. It has a very eastern feel to it, but does not make it any less of a problem for me as a westerner.
It can also go the other way of comparing my progress; I would have never imagined being where I am today and all the victories of a CHAMPION I have had, as well as the ones to come. In your FACE satan, how do you like them apples?! Pow!

Making the most out of life

If life gave me lemons I would make my Grandma Baugh's lemon pie, I would have to first learn her secrets.I am not in control of what has happened with the accident and my TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury).I am however responsible for my reaction to the situation.I could wallow in selfpitty, or could be angered to the point of insanity, or fight for everything that I might be able to get back and share my journey with those who will listen.I continue to find great healing, physically, spiritually as well as emotionally and mentally in the latter.In 'A Touch of Woder'it is written, "If the facts won't budge, bend your attitudes to fit it, that's all."
So, with Flinn Lockwood in 'Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs,' I say, "Come on Steve we have a diem to carpe!"

Rebirthday #3

My twin brother Matthew wrote me a letter when I had been home from the hospital for a few months, in it he quoted this talk by Elder Faust. I found the whole talk and wanted to share it here.
Elder James E. Faust in the April 1979 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints said:
"I wish to speak this morning to all, but especially to those who feel they have had more trials, sorrows, pricks, and thorns than they can bear and in their adversity are almost drowned in the waters of bitterness. My message is intended as one of hope, strength, and deliverance. I speak of the refiner’s fire."drowning is how I have felt a few times during this process of refinement, but I have also felt hope and deliverance in these pat three years.He continues,
"Some years ago president David O. McKay told from this pulpit of the experience of some of those in the Martin handcart company. Many of these early converts had emigrated from Europe and were too poor to buy oxen or horses and a wagon. They were forced by their poverty to pull handcarts containing all of their belongings across the plains by their own brute strength. President McKay relates an occurrence which took place some years after the heroic exodus: “A teacher, conducting a class, said it was unwise ever to attempt, even to permit them [the Martin handcart company] to come across the plains under such conditions.
[According to a class member,] some sharp criticism of the Church and its leaders was being indulged in for permitting any company of converts to venture across the plains with no more supplies or protection than a handcart caravan afforded.
“An old man in the corner … sat silent and listened as long as he could stand it, then he arose and said things that no person who heard him will ever forget. His face was white with emotion, yet he spoke calmly, deliberately, but with great earnestness and sincerity.
“In substance [he] said, ‘I ask you to stop this criticism. You are discussing a matter you know nothing about. Cold historic facts mean nothing here, for they give no proper interpretation of the questions involved. Mistake to send the Handcart Company out so late in the season? Yes. But I was in that company and my wife was in it and Sister Nellie Unthank whom you have cited was there, too. We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of criticism? Not one of that company ever apostatized or left the Church, because everyone of us came through with the absolute knowledge that God lives for we became acquainted with him in our extremities."I feel similarly when I am asked how I feel about 16 year olds driving or people using cell phones when they drive. It happens, so. let's deal with the reality that we live with.I would not change the past, except for my own mistakes. I am coming to know my Father in Heaven on a personal level that was unknown to me in my times of ease.He continues,
“‘I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the load through it.’” He continues: “‘I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of God were there." My angles are seen; my friends and family members who confidently cheer me on, every small, and faltering step of the way.
“‘Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company.’” (Relief Society Magazine, Jan. 1948, p. 8.)" And so it is my privilege to live with my refiners' fire.
Here then is a great truth. In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner’s fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong. In this way the divine image can be mirrored from the soul. It is part of the purging toll exacted of some to become acquainted with God. In the agonies of life, we seem to listen better to the faint, godly whisperings of the Divine Shepherd." Whisperings that have always been with me, but I had ears that would not hear.How grateful I am that He will not give up on any of us if we are willing to listen.
"Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for everyone, including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful. The thorns that prick, that stick in the flesh, that hurt, often change lives which seem robbed of significance and hope. This change comes about through a refining process which often seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness, beauty, and strength. For some, the refiner’s fire causes a loss of belief and faith in God, but those with eternal perspective understand that such refining is part of the perfection process."I hope to be in the latter category of people.
"In our extremities, it is possible to become born again, born anew, renewed in heart and spirit. We no longer ride with the flow of the crowd, but instead we enjoy the promise of Isaiah to be renewed in our strength and “mount up with wings as eagles” (Isa. 40:31)." The song from the musical WICKED, Defying Gravity comes to mind, being blessed to be married to Lexand all.
The proving of one’s faith goes before the witnessing, for Moroni testified, “Ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith” (Ether 12:6). This trial of faith can become a priceless experience. Stated Peter, “That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ” (1 Pet. 1:7). Trials and adversity can be preparatory to becoming born anew.
A rebirth out of spiritual adversity causes us to become new creatures. From the book of Mosiah we learn that all mankind must be born again—born of God, changed, redeemed, and uplifted—to become the sons and daughters of God. (See Mosiah 27:24–27.)
President Marion G. Romney, speaking for the Lord, has said of this marvelous power: “The effect upon each person’s life is likewise similar. No person whose soul is illuminated by the burning Spirit of God can in this world of sin and dense darkness remain passive. He is driven by an irresistible urge to fit himself to be an active agent of God in furthering righteousness and in freeing the lives and minds of men from the bondage of sin.” (In Conference Report, 4 Oct. 1941, p. 89.)
The feelings of being reborn were expressed by Parley P. Pratt as follows:
“If I had been set to turn the world over, to dig down a mountain, to go to the ends of the earth, or traverse the deserts of Arabia, it would have been easier than to have undertaken to rest, while the Priesthood was upon me. I have received the holy anointing, and I can never rest till the last enemy is conquered, death destroyed, and truth reigns triumphant.” (Journal of Discourses, 1:15.)
Unfortunately, some of our greatest tribulations are the result of our own foolishness and weakness and occur because of our own carelessness or transgression. Central to solving these problems is the great need to get back on the right track and, if necessary, engage in each of the steps for full and complete repentance. Through this great principle, many things can be made fully right and all things better. We can go to others for help. To whom can we go? Elder Orson F. Whitney asked and answered this question: “To whom do we look, in days of grief and disaster, for help and consolation? … They are men and women who have suffered, and out of their experience in suffering they bring forth the riches of their sympathy and condolences as a blessing to those now in need. Could they do this had they not suffered themselves?
“… Is not this God’s purpose in causing his children to suffer? He wants them to become more like himself. God has suffered far more than man ever did or ever will, and is therefore the great source of sympathy and consolation.” (Improvement Era, Nov. 1918, p. 7.) May we all continue in the refinement process, giving hope to one another that we are not alone, but in good, the best, company of those who strive to be disciples of our Savior Jesus Christ.
"Isaiah, before the Savior’s birth, referred to him as “a man of sorrows” (Isa. 53:3). Speaking in the Doctrine and Covenants of himself, the Savior said:
“Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink” (D&C 19:18).
Some are prone to feel that their afflictions are punishment. Roy Doxey states:
“The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that it is a false idea to believe that the saints will escape all the judgments—disease, pestilence, war, etc.—of the last days; consequently, it is an unhallowed principle to say that these adversities are due to transgression. …" My cousin Tiffany Chidester's son felt this way when he found out that he had cancer and had to do chemo and a leg amputated. I have also felt this way and find great peace and comfort here.
“"President Joseph F. Smith taught that it is a feeble thought to believe that the illness and affliction that come to us are attributable either to the mercy or the displeasure of God.” (The Doctrine and Covenants Speaks,Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1970, vol. 2, p. 373.)
Paul understood this perfectly. When referring to the Savior, he said:
“Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;
“And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him.” (Heb. 5:8–9).
For some, the suffering is extraordinary.
Stillman Pond was a member of the Second Quorum of Seventy in Nauvoo. He was an early convert to the Church, having come from Hubbardston, Massachusetts. Like others, he and his wife, Maria, and their children were harassed and driven out of Nauvoo. In September 1846, they became part of the great western migration. The early winter that year brought extreme hardships, including malaria, cholera, and consumption. The family was visited by all three of these diseases.
Maria contracted consumption, and all of the children were stricken with malaria. Three of the children died while moving through the early snows. Stillman buried them on the plains. Maria’s condition worsened because of the grief, pain, and the fever of malaria. She could no longer walk. Weakened and sickly, she gave birth to twins. They were named Joseph and Hyrum, and both died within a few days.
The Stillman Pond family arrived at Winter Quarters and, like many other families, they suffered bitterly while living in a tent. The death of the five children coming across the plains to Winter Quarters was but a beginning.
The journal of Horace K. and Helen Mar Whitney verifies the following regarding four more of the children of Stillman Pond who perished:
“On Wednesday, the 2nd of December 1846, Laura Jane Pond, age 14 years, … died of chills and fever.” Two days later on “Friday, the 4th of December 1846, Harriet M. Pond, age 11 years, … died with chills.” Three days later, “Monday, the 7th of December, 1846, Abigail A. Pond, age 18 years, … died with chills.” Just five weeks later, “Friday, the 15th of January, 1847, Lyman Pond, age 6 years, … died with chills and fever. Four months later, on the 17th of May, 1847, his wife Maria Davis Pond also died. Crossing the plains, Stillman Pond lost nine children and a wife. He became an outstanding colonizer in Utah, and became the senior president of the thirty-fifth Quorum of Seventy. (See Leon Y. and H. Ray Pond, comps., “Stillman Pond, a Biographical Sketch,” in Sterling Forsyth Histories, typescript, Church Historical Dept. Archives, pp. 4–5.)
Having lost these nine children and his wife in crossing the plains, Stillman Pond did not lose his faith. He did not quit. He went forward. He paid a price, as have many others before and since, to become acquainted with God.
The Divine Shepherd has a message of hope, strength, and deliverance for all. If there were no night, we would not appreciate the day, nor could we see the stars and the vastness of the heavens. We must partake of the bitter with the sweet. There is a divine purpose in the adversities we encounter every day. They prepare, they purge, they purify, and thus they bless.
When we pluck the roses, we find we often cannot avoid the thorns which spring from the same stem.
Out of the refiner’s fire can come a glorious deliverance. It can be a noble and lasting rebirth. The price to become acquainted with God will have been paid. There can come a sacred peace. There will be a reawakening of dormant, inner resources. A comfortable cloak of righteousness will be drawn around us to protect us and to keep us warm spiritually. Self-pity will vanish as our blessings are counted.
I now wish to conclude by testifying concerning Jesus as the Christ and the Divine Redeemer. He lives! His are the sweet words of eternal life. He is the Son of the Living God. This is his holy work and glory. This is his church. It is true. I am most grateful for this sacred knowledge. It is my cherished privilege and duty to so testify, which I humbly do. In the hallowed name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen." Amen. It puts life into perspective for me and reminds me of the Savior's counsel to the prophet Joseph Smith while in Liberty Jail, in DamdC 122:7-8 7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The aSon of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?